Off the Rails 2 [COMPLETE]: Endings aren't my strong point. Writing isn't either

[marukyuu]

Derp. I missed out on all the fun while I was busy doing... uh, productive stuff. Time to ruin get back into this game. I'm truly sorry if I actually did ruin this game, by the way.

Everyone
> Evaluate how good an idea flying directly to the top of the tower is.
> Screw that. Charge in!

Rika
> Make sure to control S.A.T.O.R.I.N. before charging towards the tower.
> Check S.A.T.O.R.I.N.'s status. Can we do it while flying?
> Copy the first bullet pattern we see. Y'know, just in case.

Satori
> If Yuuka is still in our party, make a Recollection Spell Card based on her memories.

Mokou
> Be the first to enter the tower. We're so going to burn this place to ashes...

[LaserTurtle]

Naw, man, it's fine. We're all friends here! Bonded by the mutual enjoyment of ridiculously overpowered flying girls!
_{oh no Touhou Wiki is down and I can't refer to spellcards whatdoidowhatdoido}
Satori

> If Yuuka is still in our party, make a Recollection Spell Card based on her memories.

>You scope out Yuuka's mind to create a new Recollection spellcard. This one will be called Recollection 'Master of Flowers'.
>It is full of flowery patterns. And a giant laser beam. Or two. Actually, there are a lot of lasers.
>It's a good card. Shame you can only use it once.

>Satori: Wait, didn't Chiri make a big tower when Utsuho was chasing after her with Sakuya and Flandre?
>"Utsuoh, Chiri made a big tower before, right?"
>Compare Utsuho's memory of that tower to the tower in front of us. Does it look like they're the same tower?

>"Unyu? Yeah, she did!" Hey, it looks exactly the same! Is the hole at the top still there?
>Utsuho seems to recognize the tower. That's nice. Maybe she'll be able to guide you through it with her memories.

> Evaluate how good an idea flying directly to the top of the tower is.
> Screw that. Charge in!

>You consider flying up to check out the hole Utsuho's thinking of. It doesn't look like a viable method of reaching Chiri.
>Mainly because there is a huge downdraft preventing anyone from flying above 100 feet.
>Well, that only leaves one option, right? You enter the building after Mokou kicks the door down, dragging along a spaced-out Utsuho with you.
>Hina follows you as you enter.
Rika

> Make sure to control S.A.T.O.R.I.N. before charging towards the tower.
> Check S.A.T.O.R.I.N.'s status. Can we do it while flying?

>You open the hatch to enter S.A.T.O.R.I.N.
>A Koishi is inside. Um.
>Koishi waves cheerfully. "Hi! Did you miss me?"
>You kick her out and hop into your tank. Everyone else is already entering the tower, but you want to be a bit more prepared.
>Wait, who would leave an umbrella in the middle of the road? And why is it eggplant-colored?

> Copy the first bullet pattern we see. Y'know, just in case.

>"Surprise! Meta-Surprise 'Bet you didn't know I had this spell'!"
>Wait, what?
>You roll a 5. Success! You copy the spellcard and defeat the umbrella youkai with only a few scrapes.
>You decide to call this temporary spellcard Mimicked Spell 'Annoying Umbrella'. The original name was stupid. Of course you didn't know she had that spell. You don't even know who she is!
>Well, you're going to get left behind at this rate. You roll your tank into the tower.
>Man, it's a huge tower. Usually, tanks can't fit into buildings.
Mokou

> Be the first to enter the tower. We're so going to burn this place to ashes...

>Of course, burning a tower down when you're inside it is a bad idea. You tried it once. Killed Kaguya, but had burns all over. Figures. The one time you forgot to wear your fire seal hair ribbon... ah, memories.
>You kick the door down. With a flaming kick. You don't know who this Chiri person is, but right now all you want to do is get this done with and go back to killing Kaguya. You've already thought of three more ways to do it! Maybe you can enlist her help once this is all over.
>"Holding grudges is unhealthy," Satori remarks.
>"She's a crazy moon person. She deserves it,"  you reply.
>There is a sign on the wall.
That's right! I rebuilt this tower! Thought you saw the last of it before? Hah!
_{also please help me I'm being threatened by a talking book}
>There is a complementary buffet table set out in the middle of the room. It is filled with delicious food.
>The table has a little sign on it, too.
Technically, you're guests here. Why don't you have a bite to eat before entering my deathtrap gauntlet?
>The wall across from you has stairs and a service elevator. Why does Chiri keep building service elevators, anyway?

[capt. h]

> Satori and Rika: Mokou is the official death trap tester, have her check on the food and the service elevator.

> Mokou: Object to being the death trap tester.
> Consider leaving tower, then burning it down. We don't have to be inside the tower to smoke her out.

[Hanzo K.]

Satori
>"Okuu, take care of things like you did the last time you were here. I'll just sit back and trust it to you."

[LaserTurtle]

I was planning to update on the lunar new year for fun, but then I realized that I'm too lazy to keep a schedule currently.
Rika

> Satori and Rika: Mokou is the official death trap tester, have her check on the food and the service elevator.

>Logically, an immortal would make a good everything-tester. If she dies, she'll just come back!
>Satori has had the same idea, and is arguing with Mokou about it.
>"C'mon, Mokou! It's for the good of the team!" you try to persuade her.
>"If this ends up killing me, it'll be on your conscience," she mutters.
>"Only until you're alive again."
Satori

> Satori and Rika: Mokou is the official death trap tester, have her check on the food and the service elevator.

>You decide to take an idea floating around Rika's mind. "Hey, Mokou. You can just test the food and service elevator for deathtraps, right?"
>"And risk getting killed?" No way.
>"You're immortal. You'd get better."
>"Dying still hurts." It's not like I don't die. I just don't stay dead.
>Rika joins in pressuring Mokou. "C'mon, Mokou! It's for the good of the team!" Convenience, more like, but that doesn't need to be said...
>Mokou gives in. "If this ends up killing me, it'll be on your conscience." Maybe I should just burn this place down. Smoke the annoying youkai out.

>"Okuu, take care of things like you did the last time you were here. I'll just sit back and trust it to you."

>Mokou's jaw drops. "What? You're sending me to explore the tower with that birdbrain?" No way. Not ever. Can't trust her.
>"Hey!" Utsuho pouts. "I'm not a birdbrain!"
>Her mind is empty. "Yes you are," you tell her.
>She pouts, but falls silent. You clap your hands to get everyone's attention. "Well, since we've got this all figured out, let's not let this food go to waste! Mokou, if you'd please?"
Mokou
>"Mokou, if you'd please?"

> Mokou: Object to being the death trap tester.

>You grumble sour nothings under your breath.
>The food doesn't taste like poison, in any case. You give the thumbs-up sign. This is actually quite good.
>Upon your signal, everybody digs in.
OM NOM NOMSKIP!>Rika is giving some ridiculously overdramatic speech about you testing out the service elevator.
>You catch something about "The good of SCIENCE" and "without a spatula, of course," but other than that, you don't pay much attention.
>And then Rin pushes you into her wheelbarrow before dumping you unceremoniously into the elevator.
>Well, you might as well try it out, since you're here.

> Consider leaving tower, then burning it down. We don't have to be inside the tower to smoke her out.

>The elevator music is relaxing. For some reason, you feel like it fits the infinite nightmare that this tower must have been planned to be.
>You turn your thoughts to watching the tower burn once you get back down.
>It doesn't look all that flammable, though. Maybe if you apply hotter fire...
>The elevator dings. Ah. You've reached the top.
>It opens to a blank wall.
>Wait, no. It's got writing on it.
Ya tryin' to cheat? TOO BAD!
Inescapable deathtrap! Bam! This whole thing's rigged to explode!
If anyone is reading this, I won the bet. Take that, magical talky book!
>That's when the elevator explodes.
Interlude
>Satori hears a distant explosion that sounds like it came from the top of the elevator shaft.
>"Well, looks like that was a deathtrap," she remarks.
Mokou
Reviving, please wait...>You suppose Chiri didn't count on someone surviving the explosion. After all, you didn't land back at the bottom.
>Conveniently, the wall was broken down. You can see Chiri arguing with an open book, but you can only hear her side of the argument.
>"Hah! Told you!"
>"What? It's an explosion! Nobody 'just survives' something like that!"
>"Yeah, I know everyone here cheats. Still, it's an explosion! That's the most effective deathtrap you can get, short of throwing a train at someone."
>"...what do you mean by 'look behind you'?"

[capt. h]

> Mokou - Well that was easy.
> Approach Chiri and book.
> Resolve incident.

> Satori and Rika - Check to see if Mokou is ok.

[Hanzo K.]

Mokou
>"Death has a bad habit of not sticking when I'm the target, y'know?"

[LaserTurtle]

Mokou

> Mokou - Well that was easy.
> Approach Chiri and book.

>The two are still arguing, somehow.
>This is going to be fun. Oh, yes.

>"Death has a bad habit of not sticking when I'm the target, y'know?"

>Chiri doesn't look at you and tries to wave you away. "Yes, yes. Magical cheaty powers. Now, can this wait? I'm winning the argument!"
>Then she realizes that someone is in the room with her. "Oh. Well, this is awkward..."
>She yells at the book. "And stop laughing, you!"

> Resolve incident.

>This is a good time to declare a spellcard, you decide. "'Imperishable Shooting'!"
>Chiri backs away slowly, but her efforts to escape fail as she starts having to focus at not getting hit. "Why are there so many bullets?! Isn't the usual ridiculous number of them crazy enough?"
>"Danmaku duels can never have enough bullets~!" You sing. It feels good to let out your stress on the perpetrator.
Satori

> Satori and Rika - Check to see if Mokou is ok.

>"Perhaps we should check on Mokou," you muse.
>"You guys can go do that," Yuuka shrugs. "I'm staying here. This food is delicious." Didn't know that Chiri was quite the chef. Maybe I'll kidnap her to cook for me or something...
>Murmurs of agreement are heard around the room.
>Looks like you'll have to do this yourself - oh wait. Rika's bashing the elevator doors open with a wrench.
>"How did they just slide open at the touch of a button?" she asks nobody in particular. In my experience, the best way to start to understand something is by breaking it and looking at all the pieces.
>That's convenient. You grab Rika and start flying up the elevator shaft.
>"Wait, I wanted to see how it worked!" Rika whines. Not fair! I should be able to use it! Don't know why or how, but it's SCIENCE!
>You ignore her. Near the top, you can see that Mokou has declared a spellcard.
>This wouldn't have happened if you kept casting the spell!
>"Shut up, book! Trying to dodge, here!" 'sides, you kept nagging me about it and I don't like having to roll for everything.
>I can read your thoughts. Stop it. You should have listened to me.
>"Yeah, you were telling me to take over Gensokyo. I heard how well that went for Utsuho." I only went along with things because I would be able to make deathtraps again!
>Clearly, you aren't fit to rule. My last link was much more cooperative.
>"Yeah, yeah. Yadda yadda yadda. Why am I the only one that gets punished?" Don't care about the last time you tried this! Too busy focusing on dodging!
>Chiri doesn't look like she can keep dodging for much longer.

[capt. h]

Rika - > Discover mechanics of elevator.

Satori - > Contemplate using book yourself to take over Gensokyo.
> Roll for initiative. Detemine whether talking is a free action.

Mokou - > Is it bad form to combine Fujiyama Volcano with Imperishable Shooting?

[Hanzo K.]

Satori
>Taking over Gensokyo? That's just silly. Remember what happened when Okuu tried it?

[LaserTurtle]

You now, one would think that I'd be more motivated to do stuff during vacation...
Rika

Rika - > Discover mechanics of elevator.

>Well, from where you are right now, you have a possible theory...
>The bottom of the shaft must contain a large spring that compresses based on the button you push. The spring launches the elevator to the desired floor, where the electromagnets activate, holding the elevator in place for people to exit.
>This does sound like a logical idea. Clearly this is how elevators work.
>Oh, stuff is happening between other people. You feel like you should start throwing wrenches because everyone else is shooting HOLY FRIG THAT IS A LOT OF BULLETS

Mokou - > Is it bad form to combine Fujiyama Volcano with Imperishable Shooting?

>Well, considering spellcard rules forbid that, it is. Then again, Chiri hasn't been following the spellcard rules now, has she?
>Yes. This is going to be fun. "Hourai 'South Wind, Clear Sky -Fujiyama Volcano-'!"
>Chiri's jaw drops. "Aw, come on! One spellcard's enough bullets already!"
>You briefly wonder whether any of your allies are going to join the fight. If they are, you kinda made it hard for anyone except you to be up here.
>There's also a flash of concern for Chiri, but then you remember she's a youkai. She'll heal up soon after this.
Satori

Satori - > Contemplate using book yourself to take over Gensokyo.

>You consider taking over Gensokyo with that book, but then again, there's not much use for a stupid spell that forces everyone to do things by chance.
>At least the spell not active, now. You haven't needed your die for the past 6 updates 20 minutes.

> Roll for initiative. Detemine whether talking is a free action.

>Huh. You've actually spent a lot of that time talking.

>Taking over Gensokyo? That's just silly. Remember what happened when Okuu tried it?

>And why would you want to take over Gensokyo, anyway? Not even Yukari can control it.
>Chiri still manages to keep an argument up with a book while attempting to dodge two spellcards at once. Girl's got talent.
>Of course, you'd be more impressed if she actually could dodge. Right now she's just dodging into other bullets.
>You have no chance of dodging this. Cast the spell and you might get lucky.
>"Yeah, and what if I'm UNlucky?" Worse outcome, right there!
>Why do you refuse to follow my advice?
>"Well, I can't feel any more threatened than I do right now." Threatening me is out of the question. Hey, wait! I have an idea!
>Chiri holds the book in fron of her to shield herself. She's got some pretty good ideas.
>No. Stop. I am not a shield to use for your amusement.
>"You are now! Get castin' or you're the one who's going to be pummeled!" Haha! I finally get the upper hand against someone!
>Insufferable little youkai!
>"Yes. I'm quite charming, aren't I?" Adrenaline high~
>You're delirious!
>"And you don't even know a single shielding spell. So, where does that leave us?" What am I doing I am not being rational oh man this book's a talking grimoire and insanely powerful why am I trying to get on his nerves
>You think you should intervene, but you also don't like getting hit by a whole lot of bullets. What the heck is Rika doing, anyway?
Now that just leaves the question of how the elevator goes down...
>Off pondering her science again. So, that just leaves you to finish things up around here.
>Well, not exactly. You could always wait until Mokou's had her fill of breaking spellcard rules.

[capt. h]

> Mokou - Continue doing what you are doing until Chiri gives up.

> Satori - Wait until Mokou is done, then copy the most cheatingest spellcard in Mokou's memory and use it.

> Rika - Do we have the copy tank up here with us?

[LaserTurtle]

Updates faster than a cheetah, considering that cheetahs don't update adventures!
Mokou

> Mokou - Continue doing what you are doing until Chiri gives up.

>Chiri is screaming in terror.
>You think that a minute or so should do it.
>Chiri's screaming dies down, and she starts talking again. "Am I allowed to give up yet?"
>Again you can only hear one side of the conversation.
>"Look, I'm just about ready to pass out anyway."
>"Yeah, well, I'm starting to think giant lasers are preferable to this friggin' giant storm of bullets."
>One momentary lapse in concentration later, Chiri runs headfirst into an amulet, and then stumbles back into the blast radius of a Fujiyama Volcano explosion. Sweet.
>This seems like an okay time to stop the barrage. You break your own spellcards, a practice that isn't used often because usually the only time you'd want to stop is if you wanted to forfeit.
>You consider the implications, then decide that Chiri's been through enough at your hands.
>Oh, there's Satori and Rika. You wave to them. Satori's got a strange look on her face, though...
Rika

> Rika - Do we have the copy tank up here with us?

>You knew you were forgetting something! You don't have it with you, mainly because you couldn't fit it up the elevator shaft.
>Ow. Getting dropped onto the ground hurts. What was Satori thinking?
>On second thought, you don't want to know. She's got a scary look on her face.
>How somebody who looks like a child is still able to make a bone-chilling smile like that, you have no idea. Chalk it up to weird youkai stuff. _{wait are those veins connecting to the third eye really shaped like a noose? That's just creepy.}
>She looks like she's ready to declare a spellcard. Thinking quickly, you construct a makeshift barricade out of wrenches, and get ready to wait out the storm.
Satori
>Well, Mokou has decided that she should stop attacking Chiri, judging by the current lack of general chaos.
>You fly up with Rika, and drop the scientist unceremoniously onto the ground.
>You, however, have yet to exact your revenge. And you need to. That youkai has put you and everyone else through a lot of trouble.
>You suspect that if she was around before the Underground was formed, she would be one of the youkai forced to migrate down along with the oni and other youkai.
>The time for thoughts, however has passed. You have a veritable library of phoenix-themed spellcards, and you're not about to let it go to waste, so...
>You browse through Mokou's memories and pick out a fun one.
>"Hey, Chiri and grimoire! Guess what I can do?" you grab their attention. You're probably grinning in an unsettling way right now, but that's secondary to the cathartic feeling of beating up a perpetrator. "Recollection 'Phoenix's Tail'!"
>Chiri's eyes widen and even the grimoire manages to look terrified as you ready your first phoenix for launch. They shout simultaneously, "Oh, fri-!"

[Hanzo K.]

Satori
>"You've caused quite a lot of trouble, so it's punishment time~"
>If Yuuka could see us now...Hey, there's a thought! Didn't we copy a move off her too? Well, if we're going for the maximum pain route we may as well go 'all in', as Yuugi says.
>So once the Phoenix's Tail copy ends, we'll let that one off too!

Mokou
>Man, we gotta remember to 'Beware The Nice Ones', or whatever it is those rabbits are always saying. Being immortal's pretty nice, but reviving hurts too.

[LaserTurtle]

Schedule? What schedule?
Mokou

>Man, we gotta remember to 'Beware The Nice Ones', or whatever it is those rabbits are always saying. Being immortal's pretty nice, but reviving hurts too.

>Reviving does hurt, and you do not want to be caught in the crossfire.
>That Rika girl has the right idea. You walk up to her bunker.
>"Hey! Build your own hideout!"
>"I lack the wrenches necessary to do so. Now let me in," you reply.
>"Fine," she grumbles. She constructs a temporary opening big enough for you to slip through, then closes it up after  you enter.
Satori

>"You've caused quite a lot of trouble, so it's punishment time~"

>"I'd say I went through enough punishment already!" Chiri screams. If you want to punish someone, punish the book!
>You know as well as I do that we're linked until I'm sealed. You just have to deal with it.
>"Ah, but the book wasn't the one who was messing with the landscape, was it?" you laugh. "And by the way, book, I can hear what you're saying." You toss the phoenix at them while readying another one.
>What? A satori? Well, that would explain why you're using a spellcard that looks more like one that the phoenix girl would use.
>You might be drunk with power. Just a bit.
>"Please stop throwing phoenixes at us! I don't like recovering from burns!" Chiri begs. They huuurt...
>Come on, girl. You're a youkai! You can't just whine like a child!
>"On the contrary, she can," you point out helpfully. "She's only been alive for about two days or so."
>Stop interrupting my conversations with her!
>"Miiind reader~!" you sing. This is fun!

Satori
>If Yuuka could see us now...Hey, there's a thought! Didn't we copy a move off her too? Well, if we're going for the maximum pain route we may as well go 'all in', as Yuugi says.
>So once the Phoenix's Tail copy ends, we'll let that one off too!

>Suddenly, you have an idea. You break your spellcard, then smile sweetly at Chiri. "All right. I promise that I won't attack you with any more phoenixes..."
>Chiri breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank you!" I'm beat. Maybe I'll actually get to have a nice long nap.
>Careful, girl. Something's up. I don't trust this satori.
>You ignore them. "...but I never said I was done punishing you, did I? Recollection 'Master of Flowers'!"
>"On second thought go back to using phoenixes just don't use lasers please," Chiri babbles. Please don't be what I think it is...
>What are you afraid of, girl? The lasers I use can't be that traumatizing, can they?
>"Now," you announce as the first laser charges up, "here's a little spellcard that I got from someone I know named Yuuka..."
>Chiri whimpers. "It's not your lasers I'm traumatized by, book. It's hers."
Rika
>In the safety of your wrench-bunker, you watch as Satori fires off a HOLY FRIG THAT LASER IS RIDICULOUSLY HUGE.
>You think that you should take cares not to anger her. Especially if she has been with Yuuka lately.
>and... Yup. There's the maniacal laughter.
>"So," you strike up a conversation with Mokou. "What do you think about the whole incident-solving business?"

[Hanzo K.]

Mokou
>"Hectic. And remind me to not let that kid stick too close to Kazami, that's a recipe for insanity."

Satori
>"Aaaah~ That's more like it! I can see why she does this! It's so...relieving and cathartic! Have some more~!"

Rika
>Yeaaaaaaaaaaah, she's having fun alright.

[capt. h]

> Satori - Is she defeated yet? If not, then why isn't she defeated yet?
> Maybe we should just slit her throat or something.

> Rika - be slightly disappointed that this plan did not include howitzers. Or an M1 Abrams. Or any tanks at all. We really wanted to blow things up from our unstoppable mobile fortresses of death.
> Maybe we can start an incident for the soul purpose of having a tank war. Consider whether we can get out of the post-incident beating by surrendering when our tanks fail, donating to Reimu's shrine, or if the beating would be inevitable.
> Maybe we can include giant lasers into our tank designs!

> Mokou - "Well, the Moriya shrine maiden and the satori's sister were a bit troublesome, but after I got rid of them it went pretty smoothly."
> "Actually, I may have accidentally started an incident when I abandoned them in the Netherworld."
> Bop Rika on the head for wanting to start pointless tank wars.

> Satori: Wait, what did Mokou just say about my sister?

[LaserTurtle]

Rika

>Yeaaaaaaaaaaah, she's having fun alright.

>It's times like these that remind you why you never go outside of your lab anymore. Youkai can be terrifying.

> Rika - be slightly disappointed that this plan did not include howitzers. Or an M1 Abrams. Or any tanks at all. We really wanted to blow things up from our unstoppable mobile fortresses of death.
> Maybe we can start an incident for the soul purpose of having a tank war. Consider whether we can get out of the post-incident beating by surrendering when our tanks fail, donating to Reimu's shrine, or if the beating would be inevitable.

>It's a shame that you wren't able to use your tanks. Really, you were preparing them to go out on the warpath against the shrine maiden, but now that there's two of them, you should probably rethink a purpose.
>Though, if you have enough tanks...
>Wait, Reimu might still beat you. You could give her a tank, maybe. You're sure that she wouldn't mind if her donation box had a tank in it.
>On second thought, she might. Actually, she probably will. You shouldn't do that.

> Maybe we can include giant lasers into our tank designs!

>But there's also the chance to use some giant lasers, and that's always fun.
>Time to get feedback. "Say, Mokou, what's your stance on laser tanks? Do they counter shrine maidens?"
>"Nothing counters the red-white. She cheats," Yuuka explains tersely.
>WHOA SNAP WHEN DID YUUKA GET HERE?
Mokou

>"Hectic. And remind me to not let that kid stick too close to Kazami, that's a recipe for insanity."

>Rika nods. Her head seems to be lost in the clouds. She doesn't even notice Yuuka squeezing into the wrench-bunker.
>You think that you should warn her, but on the other hand...
>Yeah. You'll just see how that works out.
>"Say, Mokou," the scientist asks, "what's your stance on laser tanks? Do they counter shrine maidens?"
>Oh, no. She can't really be considering... wait of course she is.
>Yuuka speaks up before you do. "Nothing counters the red-white. She cheats."
>Well, now that Yuuka's presence has been noticed, you think that you'll give your answer.
>Wait, is Rika really frozen up with fear?

> Bop Rika on the head for wanting to start pointless tank wars.

>You give her a couple of experimental pokes. Rika doesn't respond.
>You hit her on the head. It was a stupid idea, anyway. "Tank wars are bad idea. You're going to start some sort of arms race and then it's only a matter of time until somebody gets it into their head to build the ultimate tank by fighting everyone else in Gensokyo with tank warfare."
>"That sounds like the plot of an outside-world 'video game'," Yuuka remarks. "In more logical news, how were things going on your end before Yukari interfered?"

> Mokou - "Well, the Moriya shrine maiden and the satori's sister were a bit troublesome, but after I got rid of them it went pretty smoothly."
> "Actually, I may have accidentally started an incident when I abandoned them in the Netherworld."

>"Oh, Sanae?" Rika interjects. "Yeah. She's insane. She flung my tank at her own shrine! You did a good deed by abandoning her."
>"Koishi means well, I'm sure," Yuuka remarks. "She's just a bit strange in the head. I suspect that her shutting off her third eye did that."
>A laser grazes the bunker. "What did you do with my sister?!" Satori yells.
>Oh, shoot. You broke the number 1 rule for spellcard audiences: Never get on the spellcard user's bad side.

>"Aaaah~ That's more like it! I can see why she does this! It's so...relieving and cathartic! Have some more~!"

>"Please don't hurt me any more than you already have, Miss Satori," Chiri begs. I'm surprised I haven't collapsed with exhaustion yet.
>Obviously not. I'm reaching into my vast energy reserves to keep you active. You'd do me no good passed out.

> Satori - Is she defeated yet? If not, then why isn't she defeated yet?
> Maybe we should just slit her throat or something.

>Ah. That's why she isn't defeated yet. You should do something about it, perhaps. Still, this spellcard's a powerful one. It's not timing out any time soon, so you're not in a hurry.
>You can't slit her throat, obviously. You don't have a knife on you! Also, that'd be against spellcard rules, and you don't want Reimu after you.
>You take a glance at Rika's... wrench-bunker? How did she make that? And how is it big enough to hold three people?
>For that matter, how did she make a bunker shielded from your power to read minds?
>Scientists are weird.
>Say, what are they talking about in there?

> Satori: Wait, what did Mokou just say about my sister?

>That woman abandoned your sister in the Netherworld? Here's something that requires your immediate attention! You focus your lasers on the bunker.
>"What did you do with my sister?!"

[capt. h]

> Mokou - "Don't worry, I left her with Sanae. They'll be fine having eachother to look after themselves."

> Satori - Burn the book.
> We don't need to follow spell card rules against inanimate objects, even if they are inconveniently sentient.
> Worry about Koishi.

> Sanae and Koishi - Have Super Happy Funtime Adventures.

[LaserTurtle]

Mokou

> Mokou - "Don't worry, I left her with Sanae. They'll be fine having eachother to look after themselves."

>Satori raises an eyebrow. "Think about what you said. Sanae and Koishi can look after themselves?"
>Yeah. She has a point there.
>That's... actually terrifying. What are they up to right now?
>On second thought, maybe it's better if you don't know.
Satori

> Satori - Burn the book.
> We don't need to follow spell card rules against inanimate objects, even if they are inconveniently sentient.

>You can deal with Mokou later. Right now you have a grimoire to get rid of. "Chiri, please hand me that book."
>Don't do it, girl.
>Chiri looks thoughtful. "Well, it looks like this comes down to a simple decision. Should I give Mr. Meanie-Grimoire over to Crazy-Mind-Reader-Lady? Or rather, whose lasers am I more afraid of?" Legitimate questions, all of them!
>Are you serious? She's going to burn me if she gets a hold of me!
>"And I'm sure you will be missed. Now let me finish deliberating on my situation and we can discuss this at a later date." Sheesh, just give me a second, okay?
>Those two are like a comedy duo. Not a particularly good one, mind. "Have you made your decision?" you ask Chiri.
>Chiri hands you the grimoire. "Please don't hurt me!" And I'm addressing both of you by the way.
>What? You're actually going through with this?
>Chiri frowns. "That's coming from the magical grimoire that threatened me with lasers if I didn't cooperate. I'd say my choice has solid reasoning."
>She backs off slowly. "Now, if you'll excuse me... LOOK OVER THERE" LOOK OVER THERE!
>You are so surprised by Chiri's sudden outburst that you actually look in the direction she was pointing. When you look back, Chiri is gone, and an open door in the side of the tower slowly swing shut.
>She can be more competent than she seems, apparently. Reminds you of a certain little umbrella youkai.
>"Hey! Surprising people is my job!" That's no fair!
>"Hello, Kogasa," you remark.
>Well, in any case, you have the grimoire.
>Is it possible that I can persuade you into not burning me?
>"Nope~!"

> Worry about Koishi.

>Now where is that sister of yours? You're worried she's getting herself into trouble.
>Scratch that. You know she's getting into trouble. Especially with Sanae around.

> Sanae and Koishi - Have Super Happy Funtime Adventures.

>On the other side of the fourth wall, Parsee is about to toss this command into the incinerator before being interrupted.
>"Frog Sign 'Wily Toad'!"
>Ohhh no...
Miracle♪Sanae and Love♥Koishi Adventure Hijack!
>Through the power of miracles, Sanae is on both sides of the fourth wall! Adventure START!
>You are Sanae Kochiya, the absolute bestest shrine maiden in Gensokyo!
>Well, besides Reimu, but that's because nobody can beat Reimu.
>You have just been kicked out of the Netherworld. Those people are rude. You just wanted to see what ghosts tasted like!
>Koishi Komeiji is with you, and currently riding on a turtle.
>There is a strange tower visible in the distance, so you fly towards it with all your miracle-empowered speed. Koishi follows by riding on a turtle.
>"Get off me! I am for use of the Hakurei shrine maiden only!"
>Cool. A talking turtle.
>What happened to the tank scientist anyway? She was cool. Maybe you can get her to work with the kappa, and then they could build a cool giant robot!
>Wait, did that girl just throw herself out a door on the side of the tower? Why would she do that?
>She's falling! Quick! What do you do?

[capt. h]

> Koishi and Sanae - Discuss theories about why falling girl isn't flying.
> Comment on falling girl's form as she goes splat.

> Satori - Realize you really have to finish up here before Koishi convinces Utsuho that the world would be a better place if it were 110 degrees fahrenheight.
> Or Sanae attempts to exterminate the Taoists.

> Mokou - Wonder what kinds of things Koishi and Sanae do when unsupervised.

[LaserTurtle]

Collaborative KoiNae Perspective

> Koishi and Sanae - Discuss theories about why falling girl isn't flying.

>"Say, Koishi, do you know why she's not flying?"
>"Perhaps she forgot that she could?"
>"That seems likely. Should we help her? I've got a miracle for that."
>"Nah. I hear that falling is a learning experience."

> Comment on falling girl's form as she goes splat.

>"Learning experience? Koishi, you're not making sense!"
>"I'm serious, Sanae. You gotta know how to fall. See how she's flailing around wildly? That mean she's panicking. Never panic while falling."
>"Well then, what do you do while you're falling?"
>"Try to land on someone. Hopefully they'll break your fall."
>"Landing on someone neutralizes fall damage? I thought that was a video game thing!"
>"At any rate, the only way she'll survive a fall like that is if she's a youkai. Or if she lands on someone. Or both."
>"Hey, there's Reimu! Hi, Reimu!" Sanae waves wildly to the other shrine maiden, who is flying towards the tower.
>"Resentment 'Grudge Returning'! That'll show you to take over my job!"
>Parsee has wrested command back from Sanae. Sheesh, give a girl the power to make miracles and she just uses it to get into the spotlight...
Mokou

> Mokou - Wonder what kinds of things Koishi and Sanae do when unsupervised.

>Well, the last you saw of the two, you left them in the Netherworld, where Koishi was licking ghosts and Sanae was preaching to the evil demon tree.
>Suffice to say, they're probably acting on whims most of the time.
>Why is Rika so quiet?
>Yuuka pokes the scientist. "I suspect she's gone catatonic. Sheesh, surprise a human just a bit and they never recover."
>"But she was just fine a couple of minutes ago," you point out.
>"And then her brain caught up to the situation. She's unresponsive now," Yuuka explains.
Satori

> Satori - Realize you really have to finish up here before Koishi convinces Utsuho that the world would be a better place if it were 110 degrees fahrenheight.

>So, you're not letting me go, are you?
>"Not at all. Hey, Mokou! Can you burn this book for me? I'm in a hurry."
>Mokou climbs out of the bunker. _{"Don't leave me alone with Yuuka, nooooo" Rika moans}
>We, can't we negotiate this?
>"I don't think so," you reply. "Mokou, do you think we should negotiate with this grimoire?"
>Mokou grins and sets her hand on fire. "I'd say you know my answer." Burn the witch! Er, book. Magic book. Evil magic book.
>Somehow, people were more lenient before spellcard rules. That's really an anomaly.
>You toss the book to Mokou, who catches it in her burning hand.
>M one regret is that I didn't get to threaten anyone except Chiri with giant lasers.
>"Just saying, but those last words do you no favors," you sigh.
>Any moral qualms you have about this are dispelled when you remember that it was being a jerk that nobody liked. Also, there's that whole "take over Gensokyo" thing.

> Or Sanae attempts to exterminate the Taoists.

>The thought that Sanae is left unsupervised sends chills down your spine.
>The thought that she's with Koishi lets you relax. You know your sister's brand of madness, so that's easier to deal with.
>Who knows? Maybe the two are being perfectly rational and are just commenting on events as they happen.
That's right! It's epilogue time!
>Chiri screams as she falls down the tower. Really, it's her fault that she didn't remember how to fly until it was too late.
>Is that Reimu walking out? Oh no. This won't be good for anyone involved.
>Reimu's miko-senses intuition warns her of an incoming youkai attack. She aims a spellcard upwards. "Dream Sign 'Evil-Sealing Circle'!"
>Direct hit! And Chiri goes flying! Well, she's a youkai so she should be fine.
>Sanae applauds appreciatively.
>"So, is the incident solved yet?" Reimu asks.
>Sanae shrugs. "Don't ask me. I was having a religious debate with a evil demon tree in the Netherworld for half of it."
>Koishi hops onto Sanae's shoulders. "I expect that big sis is resolving the conflict! That's what she does in the Underground, too!"
>Sanae looks in the direction where Chiri was thrown. "Say, where do you think she's going to land?"

[Hanzo K.]

Koishi
>"Hmmmmmmmmmm~ Dunno. Wanna follow her so we find out? Adventure~!"


Rika
>"Lasers. Lasers. Eeeeeegh...."


Mokou
>"Hm...Maybe I should go into the garbage disposal business too. Fire solves a lot of problems after all."
>Beat.
>"...Mostly because I just keep throwing fire at my problems until it's not a problem anymore."


Satori
>....And people say the Underground is insane....Then again, we somewhat went a little crazy there ourselves.
>Beat.
>Let's make another copy of that spellcard we just used. Never hurts to have something like that on hand.

[capt. h]

> Satori: "Well, I guess we won?"

> Er, find Koishi.

> Begin preparations for mandatory post-incident tea party.

[LaserTurtle]

Playable epilogues! Everyone is controllable! Go wild!
Third-person something-or-other. Sheesh, I'm not a professional writer!

Rika
>"Lasers. Lasers. Eeeeeegh...."

>Yuuka nudges Rika. "Well, if you don't mind, I'll get out of this bunker. My compliments to the builder; it's very well constructed."
>Rika doesn't respond. She's too busy mumbling about giant lasers.

Satori
>....And people say the Underground is insane....Then again, we somewhat went a little crazy there ourselves.
>Beat.
>Let's make another copy of that spellcard we just used. Never hurts to have something like that on hand.

>Satori gets another copy of Recollection 'Master of Flowers' as Yuuka climbs out of the wrench-bunker.
>Kogasa is pouting. "Don't just ignore me! Be surprised!"
>Satori ignores her.
>Rika peeks out of her hideout. "Ah. It's the umbrella."

> Satori: "Well, I guess we won?"

>Mokou nods thoughtfully. "That seems to be the case. I think we're all supposed to have tea or something, now."
>"Are we?" Rika asks. "Hey, there wasn't any tea when I caused my incident!"
>"You were the second real incident, Rika," Reimu explains as she flies in through the door Chiri left in the side of the tower. "I didn't have any incident-solving guidelines then."
>"Oh hello it's the red-white shrine maiden I think I'll just hide back in my safe spot," Rika babbles.
>Reimu walks over to the wrench-bunker and systematically dismantles it. "By the way, you left your tank at the ground entrance. I hope you don't mind that I got the yin-yang balls to throw it back into the village."
>"But I liked that tank!" Rika whines.

> Er, find Koishi.

>"Great," Satori mutters. "Now I just need to find Koishi..."
>"Oh, her? She's with Sanae. They said something about finding where Chiri flew off to," Reimu gestures at the door.
>"Should we go look for her too?" Mokou asks.
>"That can happen later. Right now, there's free tea and food!" Reimu grins. "Well, someone's going to have to supply it soon."

> Begin preparations for mandatory post-incident tea party.

>"Well, if it's food you're looking for, Chiri left a banquet on the first floor. We can go down the elevator shaft and finish it off, if the others haven't finished it already," Satori points out.
>Reimu practically lights up with excitement. "Banquet? Oh, this is going to be good. See you guys there!"
>She rockets down the elevator shaft at speeds that normal humans aren't meant to go at.
>"That doesn't look safe," Yuuka remarks. I'm sure humans aren't supposed to go that fast.
>Satori stretches. "She's a shrine maiden. She's going to be fine."

Mokou
>"Hm...Maybe I should go into the garbage disposal business too. Fire solves a lot of problems after all."
>Beat.
>"...Mostly because I just keep throwing fire at my problems until it's not a problem anymore."

>"Does that actually work?" Rika asks with interest.
>"Sure it does! By my calculations, Fire can solve four problems out of five, including moon people," Mokou grins.
>"Wow, I need to install more flamethrowers on my tanks, if that's the case," Rika muses.
>"At any rate," Yuuka remarks, "We'd better get to the feast before everyone else finishes it."
>She picks Rika up. "Since you can't fly, I guess I'll carry you down."
>_{"This feels rather demeaning,"} Rika mutters.
Scene change!

Koishi
>"Hmmmmmmmmmm~ Dunno. Wanna follow her so we find out? Adventure~!"

>Sanae smiles. "All right! Miracle powers, activate! Let's find that girl!"
>"To adventure!" Koishi announces. "And I'm staying on your shoulders, by the way."
>It seems that she was launched in the direction of Hakurei Shrine! Onwards!

[LaserTurtle]

Guys help I'm terrible at writing endings
This needed a conclusion some time!
>"So, what happened next?"
>"Well, obviously there was a party. Lasted for a couple of days or so. I think it just ended up being that long because Suika was bored."
>"Right. Thanks, Reimu. I just have one question..."
>"Yes?"
>"How does this relate to my original question?"
>"Oh, yes. Um. Hmm. Well. What was your question again?"
>"I asked, 'What is daily life in Gensokyo like?'."
>"Wow. I got a bit sidetracked there, didn't I?"
>"Yes. You got extremely sidetracked."
>"Heh. Well, I hope you enjoy being in Gensokyo, because you're probably not getting back outside the border again."
>"Er, what?"
>"Outsiders always react the same way when I tell them that. Apparently, the border is easiest to pass through if you're not aware of its existence."
>"That's not very logical, is it?"
>"Did you forget my entire story? This place was made for being illogical."
>"Well, there is that."
>"At any rate, the human village is just down that way. Do you want me to escort you there?"
>"I think I'll be fine. Thanks for the offer, though!"
>The outsider tips his hat to the shrine maiden as she waves goodbye to him.
>Reimu waits until the newest addition to Gensokyo's human population is out of site, then turns to glare at a youkai sitting at the table.
>"I think it's time that I ask what you're still doing here, Chiri. It's been almost a month!"
>Chiri raises her hands defensively. "I'm just here until my house is fixed! I fell in through the roof after you threw me out of the shrine."
>"Why don't you just quantum it back together again?" Reimu fumes.
>"Everyone knows the place as my house now, so I can't do that! It's practically got a name already!"
>Reimu sighs. "Even when the party isn't at the shrine, I still get freeloading youkai," she grumbles.
>"Hey, I brought a donation!"
>"No. Indestructible teddy bears do not count as donations."
>"But it even matches your red-white-ness!"
>"I appreciate the sentiment," Reimu mutters, "but still, you can't buy food with teddy bears."
>"It worked all right at Kourindou. I got a candy bar from outside."
>"Yes, you did. As I recall, you spent the next few days coughing up bits of your insides."
>"So it was a little out of date. I wasn't too sick!"
>"You were. I seem to remember dragging you to Yukari to gap the candy out of your system."
>Gensokyo is a place unrestrained by common sense. The residents know that and the visitors soon learn that. People have abilities that defy logic, and youkai roam the countryside. Not every day in this place is an adventure, but the days with incidents are remembered with either fondness, confusion, or outrage.
>I hope you have enjoyed this nonsensical tale of mine!

[capt. h]

> Begin next adventure?

[LaserTurtle]

Well, I want to take a break right now, but don't be surprised if I decide to make Off The Rails 3 sometime later this year. Right now, I'm relaxing and playing some of the other adventures in this board until I get more motivation to do things/decide that I have a good idea that's worth making into an adventure or story.