Author Topic: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom  (Read 9326 times)

Alfred F. Jones

  • Estamos orgullosos del Batall?n Lincoln
  • *
  • y de la lucha que hizo por Madrid
Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« on: January 31, 2010, 08:30:47 PM »
[13:30] <Yumemi-Rurokazaki> @choose Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom or nothing
[13:30] <Keine> Yumemi-Rurokazaki: I choose...Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom! ^_^V
[13:30] <Yumemi-Rurokazaki> \o/





All right, class, settle down. Your biology teacher, Arashi Kurobara, is out sick today with a bad case of GotKidnappedByRuroAndTiedUpInHerCloset-itis, and there are no other bio teachers around here, so Principal TSO called me in to be your substitute today. Hold on while I take attendance.

Oh, question, Mr. Kilga? No, we are not doing human health and reproduction anymore, so you can stop trying to memorize the mammary diagram on page 343. It's not on the test, so you don't need to know it. Donut, stop eating in the back of my cla-- actually, you know, I know a really good way to make dough taste like chocolate. Just dip that croissant into that container of glowing green liquid and take a bite... hahahahaha, yessss. Solais, do you mind taking Donut to the nurse's office where Doc Purvis can give him treat-- what do you mean, he's not breathing? Oh well. No, it doesn't count as a human sacrifice on the altar of glorious Sanae-sama, Solais. Erebus, do be a dear and drag Donut to the morgue, please. 'nako, please stop desecrating Donut's corpse by drawing on his face in magic marker. Eh, I guess it's all right, he doesn't care.

Hele, stop writing about Remilia. She is a terrible character. Oh, Gpop, you're writing too? Well, it's Koishi, so I can dig it. Xan, Kerigis, Anthony, do stop fawning over Theorin. Man, it is really appalling to see how little Arashi-san enforces the rules in this classroom. Slaves, A-F, Gappy, what's that you've got over there? Oh, a group picture of the Ijiyatsu cast? Please put it away. We're in a laboratory, some chemicals could spill on it. Thank you. Serp! Don't grab that vial, it's very--! ... oh dear. Can we get a janitor in here to clean up that glowing red stain on the floor? Ah, thank you, Matsuri and Nobu. I would have asked Vic, but he's Professor Mint's teaching assistant this semester. UK, are you done cleaning Serp up yet? Do you really need to be so thorou-- AGAIN, we are not studying human health and reproduction anymore. Please take your seat. Thank you.

Oh, a visitor? No, Sana, this isn't the geography class. I think you're lost. Sapz, would you mind escorting Sana to Prof. Gappy's class? No, she doesn't teach geography either, but who cares, just get out of my classroom. Dusty, please change out of those oily overalls, you never know when one of the bunsen burners will tu-- oh dear. Roukan, see that bucket of water? Yes, you've got the idea. Dusty, please go to the main office. Mode will get you some new clothes. Chaore, Paul, please put the Pokemon games away. Stop distracting Cadmas, he's trying to read. Hm? What is it, Drake? Oh, you've got a permission slip for Prof. Forza? Sure, go ahead and turn that in, he's right next door in the languages class.

If I didn't call your name, please raise your hands... Suikama, Naut, I didn't know you were in this class. I thought you were always working with Prof. Stuffman in the garage? Oh well. Hey, Jana. Nice to see that you've shown up. No, don't worry, you're not late. Take your seat by Xan there. Choja, you're a bit new to this class, aren't you? This is our first test. Banana, mind getting him a calculator? Thanks. I think that's most of you guys, then. Sakana, would you mind taking today's attendance sheet to the main office? Thank you. All right, let's get started on today's lecture.



Today we are going to be talking about the immune system. Nonspecific immunity, also known as innate immunity. The immune system's first line of defense against an invading antigen is the skin, of course. However, if an antigen gets into the body, then the backbone of the vertebrate immune system swings into play.

There are several different types of cells in vertebrates that play key roles in nonspecific immunity. They are also found in all classes of animals and some birds. No, I don't know if you have phagocytes, Ammy. Ask Doctor Purvis when you see him later. Many of these cells are phagocytes-- cells that are capable of phagocytosis, which is a form of endocytosis in which the cell engulfs particulate matter, which usually is then destroyed by various proteases or oxidizing agents such as hydrogen peroxide. No, Sodium, I wasn't calling on you. Moving on...

Phagocytes are found in the bodily fluids, such as hemolymph and blood, and also in various tissues and organs. In vertebrates, most phagocytes are commonly known as white blood cells, leukocytes. These are all derived from a common type of stem cell, which in mammals and birds, is found in the bone marrow. There are many types, but these are the ones we are going to cover: Neutrophils, eosinophils, monocytes, macrophages, and basophils.

Neutrophils are the most common type of leukocyte. They are found inside the blood and assorted tissues throughout the body. They engulf bacteria through endocytosis, and the bacteria are destroyed within endocycotic vacuoles by proteases, oxidizing agents, and assorted defensins. In short, they eat bacteria. Eosinophils are phagocytes found in the respiratory, urinary, and gastrointestinal tracts, within mucosal surfaces. Monocytes are phagocytes that circulate through the blood for a few days, then take up permanent residence as macrophages in virtually all tissues and organs. They are also located in the skin and the linings of the respiratory and digestive tracts, where they engulf viruses and bacteria. And lastly, basophils are part of a class of phagocytes in their own right. They don't actually engulf bacteria. They secrete heparin, an anticlotting blood factor, at the site of an infection. They also secrete histamine, which draws infection-fighting cells and proteins to the site of the infection.



What do you mean, I wasn't supposed to actually teach a worthwhile lesson? Hmph! I'm going to have to have some words with Arashi when I get home. Er, when she gets better. Anyway, Sakana, would you mind helping me pass these out? This is the test Arashi had for you guys today. It is worth half your grade and it only has one question. Does everyone have one? Good. Okay, let me turn on this overhead projector and show you the diagram...

Use the following diagram and your prior knowledge to choose the best answer.



A. This is a diagram of Sikieikle-cell disease, which is a genetic condition caused by a point mutation to the hellmoeglobin protein which causes red blood cells to become Siki-like in appearance and behavior.
B. It is a Camus-esque depiction of the hopeless futility of life.
C. It is a highly accurate description of the true plot of PoFV, wherein Medicine contaminates Gensokyo's water supply and Shikieiki is shown to be the true heroine of the Windows series when she shrinks down to molecular size and uses danmaku bubbles to destroy every last particle of poison.
D. Eirin wanted to study Eiki's Lawful Lawful nature, and asked for a blood sample. That's actually a Yamathrocyte under the microscope, secreting enough lawfulness to turn a bacterial colony into a civilization.

You have five minutes to complete the test. Good luck!

Sana

  • Good gravy!
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2010, 08:35:22 PM »
I'm not in this class, so I don't have to take this test, right? Excellent!

Sapz

  • There's no escape.
  • *
  • It's time to burn!
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2010, 08:36:33 PM »
* Sapz picks option C upon returning from getting Sana even more lost
...Although option D looks incredibly tempting.
Let's fight.

ES-Anthy

  • *Roll*
  • *fwump*
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #3 on: January 31, 2010, 08:38:14 PM »
it's D, totally

* Anthony returns to mecha stuffs

Hello Purvis

  • *
  • Hello Jerry
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #4 on: January 31, 2010, 08:39:23 PM »
* Suwako Purviya walks in.

It's Imperialism.

* Suwako Purviya claims some formaldehyde. Walks out again.

Rikter

  • VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
  • AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #5 on: January 31, 2010, 08:39:35 PM »
WHY AM I NOT PLAYING POKEMON?

Anyways C

Also which kinds of birds have these so called Phagocytes?

Gpop

Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #6 on: January 31, 2010, 08:39:41 PM »
0, because there are no buses in Gen-

* Gpop is shot 9 times

Ow, right.

Well then...

* Gpop reads answers over

Ah...I suck at Biology ;_;

...what would Koishi do in this situation...?

Hello Purvis

  • *
  • Hello Jerry
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #7 on: January 31, 2010, 08:40:44 PM »
...what would Koishi do in this situation...?

Hide.

Moerin

  • What's punk? It's an explosion of suppressed dissatisfaction.
  • It's the roar of the soul!
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #8 on: January 31, 2010, 08:41:18 PM »
* Moerin picks option B, then returns to being fawned over~

Mmmm, just because it's futile doesn't mean I can't enjoy it, right~?
The solution to all of life's problems!

#1 Rin Satsuki Fan~♥
"For hearts long lost and full of fright, for those alone in blackest night, accept our ring and join our fight... Love Conquers All -  with violet light!"

nintendonut888

  • So those that live now, pledge on your fists and souls
  • Leave a sign of your life, no matter how small...
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #9 on: January 31, 2010, 08:46:12 PM »
* Donut collapses back into the classroom

It is...A...Miss Ruro.

Blegh...

X_X
nintendonut888: Hey Baity. I beat the high score for Sanae B hard on the score.dat you sent me. X3
Baity: For a moment, I thought you broke 1.1billion. Upon looking at my score.dat, I can assume that you destroyed the score that is my failed (first!) 1cc attempt on my first day of playing. Congratulations.

[19:42] <Sapz> I think that's the only time I've ever seen a suicide bullet shoot its own suicide bullet

Dead Princess Sakana

  • *
  • E is for Elodie, who swims with the fishes.
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #10 on: January 31, 2010, 08:48:35 PM »
* Sakana glances at the test

* Sakana adjusts his glasses

Hah, that's easy.

Answer A.
The main symptom of this disease is that the infected start to think about their behaviour and realize if it is good or bad. This can lead to serious cases of conscience, which is very hard to treat.
Infection with Sikieikle-cell disease and the following case of conscience has often marked the end of political and economical careers.
Known treatments against conscience include getting McRoll'd for hours or spending time on 4chan.

Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #11 on: January 31, 2010, 08:50:16 PM »

Serela

  • Moon Tiara Magic
  • VIA PIZZA SLINGING
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #12 on: January 31, 2010, 08:54:16 PM »
FFFFFF-its already been over five minutes D:

But its D, right? ...right?
<mauvecow> see this is how evil works in reality, it just wears you down with bureaucracy until you don't care anymore

FinnKaenbyou

  • Formerly Roukanken
  • *
  • blub blub nya
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2010, 08:56:13 PM »
*has been writing a throwaway Komachi M.D. fic on the back of the paper* (not really before anyone asks for it)

Huh? A test? Uh, screw it. *circles C, hopes for best*

Greyn

  • Microwaving, please wait.
  • Berninghousn
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2010, 08:59:07 PM »
*Snickers

Tee-hee-hee, no test for me~

Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #15 on: January 31, 2010, 09:01:03 PM »
This looks like a good place for a nap.

*Snoooooooooze*

Dead Princess Sakana

  • *
  • E is for Elodie, who swims with the fishes.
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #16 on: January 31, 2010, 09:11:47 PM »
* Sakana  slams test papers onto onto Greyn's and Cadmas desks

Don't worry, Sensei made enough copies for everyone.

Slaves

  • uHHH,
  • *
  • uHHHHHHHHHH,,,
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #17 on: January 31, 2010, 09:13:55 PM »
* Slaves draws on his paper

Solais

  • Developer fairy
  • is working for a game developer now.
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #18 on: January 31, 2010, 09:15:18 PM »
* Solaiston Beam Chooses A, then doodles a crying Solais in front of Gappy's gravestone. Then sacrifices the paper to the Goddess.

Maid Xan~

  • Oh. Uh... Hey... Hey there, Koto.
  • What... what are you smiling like that for, Koto?
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #19 on: January 31, 2010, 09:26:11 PM »
* Xan  writes D, crosses it out, writes B, crosses that out, writes D again, and continues for around 5 minutes before deciding on D and collapsing in exhaustion on Moerin's lap.
There are people in this world who enjoy being alone. But there isn't a single person who can bear solitude.

Gappy

  • Oh...oh I was not ready for this.
  • It's only Logical....
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #20 on: January 31, 2010, 09:30:09 PM »
* ♫~Mind-That-Gap~♪ walks into the class, carrying a Sana by her collar

"Is this yours, Prof. Sakura? I think she got lost in my classroom broom closet."

"B-but...I-I'm looking for the geography class...." Sana pleads.

"Oh, in that case, you want Prof. Triangles."

"Prof. Sukima, doesn't Prof. Triangles teach high energy chemistry?"

"Same thing."

* ♫~Mind-That-Gap~♪ glances at the test on the board

"Oh, none of those answers are right. This is a case of Shikistic Fibrosis where the parasite Parashikium Xanadus begins to judge all cells present, host or foreign, and begins to reorder cells through a complex form of cell gene activation (activation of dormant genes known as 'ORDER' genes) such that host cells begin to migrate upwards towards the head while parasite foreign cells begin to migrate towards the gut before finally accumulating in the lower bowel, particularly the rectum. It would be interesting to note that host cells would then begin to construct small ordered cell colonies upon reaching the head, something we call a Higancytium. However, if this occurs in the brain, it is known as Multiple Shikirosis or MS and is often accompanied by an infection of Komachikter Onozukam and is associated with a fixation on hats of a certain shape often worn by depictions of the great judges of hell in Chinese and Japanese folklore, law, order, justice, and charisma.

...By the way, that's a very nice hat you have there today, Prof. Sakura. It looks just like those hats worn by depictions of the great judges of hell in Chinese and Japanese folklore.

Helepolis

  • Charisma!
  • *
  • O-ojousama!?
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #21 on: January 31, 2010, 09:31:25 PM »
* Helepolis puts down his pencil, puts his legs on the table and starts rocking on his chair swaying front to back.

Hmpf--- such tests are too easy. I already seen this, it is Fate that the answer obviously is D

Eiki-sama is an antibiotic and healing medicine in this case that has black and white abilities. She does not destroy everything on sight or makes subjective selections. When she enters your body, you are judged and your body is ruled.

* Helepolis closes his eyes and strokes his hair once.

Stadia 1:
Eiki is floating among the bacteria. Eiki analyses the situation and starts immediately judging everything black and white as much as she can. White and red blood cells are marked white, useful cells are also marked white, other evil dangerous bacteria and viruses are marked black. They have to pay for their sins.

Stadia 2:
Eiki activates and increases white blood cells to start sending the black-marked bacteria to hell ( death ). Red blood cells are told to increase oxygen flow to the brains. Because the brain is currently in overdrive due to this. This causes some side effects which are annoying but not dangerous.
Obvious effects are: rising body temperature to 38-39. Dizziness, deterioration of smell and hearing senses. This is also why Eiki shouldn't be used while playing touhou (especially PoFV), operating machines or driving. Please be aware of this.

Stadia 3:
However some bacteria are not judged. They will appear in court but before that a 'house of the white' must be build using white blood cells. ( See second microscope picture ). House of the White is a common appearance seen in this type of medication where the white blood cells are called together to form a structural filtering for unjudged bacteria.

All unjudged bacteria get marked automatically and are lined up before the House of the White and are judged on their type of behaviour. Actually, some bacteria are healthy and are kept inside the body to train the white blood cells when detecting more intruders. These type of blood cells turn into:  JAOOOO-types. Where J stands for Janitor, A stands for Agressive and OOOO marks the DNA combination so it will become a gate guard.
Bacteria judged white are free to roam around the body without causing damage to other cells and such. They are allowed to drive Red blood cells temporarily to achieve certain areas in the body.

House of the White also functions as a job market for bacteria that actually want to live a good life. They will be able to find suitable jobs here like mentioned before, JAOOOO trainers or M-types ( Maid ) to serve Scarlet-Bloodcells ( Scarlet Blood cells are rare and do not appear in all human bodies ).

Sometimes good bacteria often pair with other good bacteria. These bacteria are officially joined by Eiki then transported outside the body to live free without harming people. Because Eiki cannot tolerate bacteria expanding. Theories say often say this is the reason why people gasp. Taking in air to combine thrusting power then send out the bacteria instantly into the air.

Stadia 4:
Judgement in 60 years is activated and a few white cells are transformed into Komachi-types. These types are suppose to help the red blood cells and bacteria ferry more efficient over in certain special areas, such as the liver and kidneys. But generally these type of white cells are often lazy thus Eiki tries to keep them small.

Eiki generally weirs out in 60 years, so one time dose should be enough.


Chaore

  • Kai Ni Recipient Many Years Late
  • *
  • You Finally Did It, Kadokawa.
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #22 on: January 31, 2010, 09:33:04 PM »
* Chaore writes down A and returns to punching surge in the face with thunderbolts.

FinnKaenbyou

  • Formerly Roukanken
  • *
  • blub blub nya
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #23 on: January 31, 2010, 09:34:21 PM »
Um, Gappy-sensei? Does that mean we get full marks if the test is wrong? :<

Dead Princess Sakana

  • *
  • E is for Elodie, who swims with the fishes.
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #24 on: January 31, 2010, 09:37:18 PM »
* Sakana pours Helepolis a tea and tries to spill some on his test paper to prevent him from being the best in class with his charismatic answer

Gappy

  • Oh...oh I was not ready for this.
  • It's only Logical....
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #25 on: January 31, 2010, 09:38:41 PM »
Um, Gappy-sensei? Does that mean we get full marks if the test is wrong? :<

No, you obviously get zero marks no matter which choice you make.

Prof. Sakura, this is the hardest question I have ever seen set before any student. Well done.

Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #26 on: January 31, 2010, 09:39:33 PM »
I thought I taught chemistry. :V But bio works too I guess.

Nine West

  • Shrine maidens? Evil spirits? Magicians?
  • *
  • How wonderful!
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #27 on: January 31, 2010, 09:42:47 PM »
* Nwbi from the art class pokes inside the classroom and runs away after seeing much chaos

Sana

  • Good gravy!
Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #28 on: January 31, 2010, 09:46:44 PM »
ALL I WANT TO DO IS GO TO CLAAAAASSSSS ;_;

Gpop

Re: Yumemi's Perfect Biology Classroom
« Reply #29 on: January 31, 2010, 09:50:38 PM »
I thought I taught chemistry. :V But bio works too I guess.

Ruro you are teaching the wrong class!

* Gpop goes back to the test and does what Koishi would do. He draws roses and penises hearts around the test paper mindlessly and subconsciously.