Welcome to Team
Heaven and Earth Border of Ecstasy Love and Be Loved Gift of Earth I?m Hungry Froggy and Her Merry Men No Frogs! Frog Legs <3 That?s cannibalism! Towel-Fu Rocks From the Gap With Love Celestial Pain Froggy and her Emo Men then? I said no frogs! Gap Express <3 Marsh-Mal-lows perhaps? Towel Circus? Pain and Peaches! We are not naming this team PEACHES! Huh? Wut?! Densha Otome, desho? Ministry of Corn, because The Amphibian Movement Will you people make up your mind? Froggy and?. Shut up! FUBAR, the team that runs on tea, sake, peaches, and general madness.
It?s easy enough to explain away the reason why such an unlikely cast managed to come together to form this traveling circus of a team ? they were all victims of fate?
?or so they claim?
But that?s a lie. That?s a terrible lie.
The truth is, fate doesn?t do shit like this. It wont' touch shit like this with a 20 foot pole and a biohazard suit. Rather, it takes shit like this and shoots it at heavy booster units and watches to see what comes out the other side.
No, they came together because nobody else wants them on their teams. Yes, this is the reject pile, by rejects, for rejects.
Nobody wants Suwako because she?s made of concentrated sugar, topped with sugar, with a side of sugar. They say that the reason the Noble White lacked a pilot up till now is because whoever tried, male or female, would either die in a diabetic coma or moe-splode majorly. Some people, who other people consider insane, say that the Noble White?s so-called nosebleed buster cannon is an actual nosebleed shed by some poor unlucky sod stuck in the same cockpit as Suwako. Besides, she talks to her Nachtmare and shares her cookies and milk with it. That?s creepy.
Nobody wants Yukari because she?s a manipulative middle-aged b**** who can?t stop chuckling ominously at every single little thing you say, as if every little breath you?re taking is a step closer to some giant mousetrap she kindly set up for you. Besides, she has a bad habit of molesting anything and everything, male or female, living or inanimate. She's so infamous that she has been banned for life from every single public bath in Gensokyo. Nobody wants to be stuck in the same ship as her, let alone the same cockpit.
Nobody wants Tenshi because all she has in her brain is peach puree and all she ever wishes is to be made into peach puree. Nobody else could get so bored that they?d stick their hand in a cageful of hungry weasels on purpose. Besides, nobody could stand that godawful racket of a song she always plays when she?s co-piloting, something titled ?Get Down? or similar. Some believe it?s a form of psychological warfare. Some (more rightly) believe that she simply enjoys the painful headache. Many believe this is specifically the reason why the Celestials dumped her and left her with the Gensokyoites - to spare themselves the agony while slowly killing the Gensokyoites through mind-rape.
Nobody wants Trent because he?s a Trent.
While none of them seem to be aware of this fact, they still seem to stick together somehow. Was it the tea and sake? Was it the cake? Or was it the general lack of actual leadership in the team that kept them together? Well, Tenshi would like to think she's the leader. Yukari thinks she's manipulating Tenshi into believing she's the leader while following her whims. Suwako knows better though....'kero~'. As for Trent, he's just following the voice of the towel which is telling him that there might be cake and frog legs for him at the end of this, no matter how much Suwako tells him otherwise....
This is their story, a story of
love towels, pink hippos, froggies, peaches and cream?.
Now pay attention. The special effects are quite costly?
Borroughsbury Royal Palace, Avalon Haven Colony Biodome, 3.25 PM, Day 1
?This is a trap, I just know it!? Chief Ambassador Princess Watatsuki Yorihime of the Lunarian Capital Haven hissed to her diplomatic entourage as they walked into the spacious, ornately decorated circular meeting room.
?Your highness, please?? Lunarian Ambassador Yutsuha whispered as they took their seats around the gigantic round table. ?Marius-sama has requested that we take part in these talks. You have already been briefed on the threat of the corporations?.besides, we need help in taking back the moon from the Lun-?? Her whisper was cut short as all the delegates in the room turned as one to face the center of the round table where a stately, blond-haired woman in a long, frilly white dress had taken the podium.
?It?s that Yukari Yakumo!? Yorihime hissed. ?She gathered us all in one place for a reason!?
?Ladies and Gentlemen, honoured dignitaries of the Havens and Sanctuaries?? Yukari began, abruptly, as if to hammer home the urgency of the situation. ?Firstly, my thanks to the Avalon Haven and the Avalon Royal Family for allowing us use of your fair Haven for this meeting. It is a huge security risk you?ve undertaken to make this possible. You have our tanks. Now, you are all aware of the looming threat that encroaches upon our peaceful Havens. The corporations are aware of our existence. They?are aware of our Mana Cores??
?And just how could that have been possible?!? A dignitary, one of the El-Dorado contingent it seemed, stood up and bellowed. ?We of the Havens never interact openly with the outside world!? Whispers broke out all throughout the ranks at this.
?Yes!? Another, this one from the Atlantian entourage, stood up to have his say. ?Somebody divulged that information!? Everyone?s eyes centered heatedly on Yukari. The mass accusation was left unspoken.
??Ladies and Gentlemen, fellow Haven dwellers, I will not mince words.? Yukari continued on as if nothing happened. ?The situation is far too grave for long speeches. You all know now that our survival depends on us sharing intelligence, resources, and effort in defending against the?.?
Another interruption, this one from the Shangrilla contingent, who shrieked a long string of incomprehensible babble. The translator looked stricken with fear as he gathered the courage to translate. ?Uhh?ummm?a-an a-alliance?? His shaky, nervous voice not carrying the strength of the original. ??you dare talk friendship, Yakumo? What this, a ruse so you can stab us in our behinds at your convenience? I would not be?err?surprised if you?.? He looked at his ambassador with a fearful look. The ambassador nodded curtly, gesturing him impatiently to continue. ??.you spiked tea with?errr? fairy dung?? He finished, gulping perceptibly.
The room erupted in roars of fury and accusations at this.
?Dear friends!? The Emperor of Avalon boomed over the commotion, in the sort of patronizing tone that said ?you?re all children. Shut up. Listen to me.? ?I believe some sort of cooperation is the way forwards! With unity under leadership, we can??
?Leadership ay?? The Tir A Nog ambassador hammered the table with his cane for attention. ?And who, I asks, who?ll do the leadin? aye? You, your frilly highnessness aye? Gotcha breeches down, did'ya? Too much air around yer privates??
"I'll ventilate YOUR privates, you whisky-blubbering blob!" The Emperor launched himself at the Tir A Nog Ambassador.
The uproar had reached a din. It was only a matter of time until they?d be at each other?s throats.
?This?is pointless?.? Representative Tenshi Hinanai of the Celestials muttered, burying her face in her hand as she poured her tea over the screaming dignitary beside her, causing him to gasp in shivering outrage. ??and you, putty face, shut up before I improve your face with my tea cup. I knew it. Yakumo wants us all dead, and we?re doing her the favour!?
?Ladies! Gentlemen!....? Yukari sighed. ?ALL YOU BLOODY IGNORANT LOUSY-WASTE-OF-MATTER BASTARDS! LISTEN UP!?
The crowd paused amidst attempting grievous bodily harm on one another.
?You know, this?ll save the corporations a lot of trouble?? Yukari eyed the entire room. ?Let?s kill each other right here and now. Yes. And let them march in and take the rest for themselves! Have you all forgotten why you left earth in the first place?! Peace! Now that the peace is threatened, you seek to disrupt it amongst yourselves!?
Before she could pause for effect, she was again interrupted, this time by the doors slamming open to reveal?
?.a towel?
Everyone blinked as they tried to squint to make out the towel?s design under all the grime on it.
?.froggies??
?Oh?was I late? It looks like you?ve already started without me?? The towel spoke.
?Who is this?.this??? The Emperor of Avalon began.
??walking towel??? Tenshi supplied.
?Oh, I apologize, Kero-chan is a little excited at the prospect of tea and cake.? A hand moved the towel aside to reveal a pile of tousled black hair and a pair of bright blue eyes. ?Oh dear, no cookies. Plus you all started without me. Now I?m sad.? He sighed, before picking up a second towel slung around his hips. ?Shirayuki is sad too?? He sighed, swinging the second towel around a little. ?Aren?t you all sad? I know I am. This won?t do?? The boy sighed as he lowered his towel onto his shoulders. ?So let?s have a little intermission to cheer everyone up. Now, please mind the gaping gap?in my sanity! AHAHAHAHAHA!? He broke out in cackling laughter as he threw his first towel up into the middle of the room.
Everyone hit the deck?.
?everyone peeked up to see the evil tattered thing bloomed up, as if taking on a life of its own, its froggies waving at them menacingly, like?.
?wait, it?s a towel?
?everyone?s eyes watered, their noses screwing up in horror, as the smell hit them with the force of a tsunami?
?.It?s a SMELLY towel!
?Biowogikal weaponly wash bannembed by the Geneha conhention!? The Emperor gasped, dying from oxygen deprivation.
?Geneha?? The crazy frog man asked, taking out a pair of assault rifles from under his second towel. ?Never ate that!? He cackled. ?Now, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!?
======
Command Bridge, MFC All-Terrain Boarding Frigate, GranShario, High Mars Orbit, behind the moon Deimos, 3.55 PM, Day 1
?Sir, the mercenaries have declared their occupation of the anomaly Avalon??
??.now, begin the operation??
And the MFC personal space marine force detached itself from shadow of Deimos and quickly fell on Avalon like vultures on a piece of rotten meat?.
=====
Holding Cells, Death Row, MFC All-Terrain Boarding Frigate, GranShario, in the air above the Borroughsbury Palace, within the Avalon biodome, 5.45 PM, Day 1, around sunset
Much later?.
So this was it?.?
Captured? Waiting for them to deal him death? Helpless?
?Hmmphh?? He leaned back and smiled up at the pink hippos watching him from the ceiling. It wasn?t?too bad at all, actually. So far he had been struggling to survive, to stay alive, doing whatever it takes to survive the battlefield so that he could come back again?and again?and again?.
?.but come to think of it, now that he had time to himself to think,?just what was he surviving for?
??just to keep on surviving, really?? he murmured to the green hyenas beside him, before chuckling, amused at his own answer. ?Eehhh?well, good place to end, I suppose. Everyone now thinks I?m some sort of terror-thingy-whatever, some double-crossing bit of space crap, no more jobs, no more cash?eh, who needs it.?
He didn?t really care much about the reason why he was suddenly jumped by his own employers. There was probably some really devious, cunning plan of some sort behind it all. Didn?t matter to him though. Nothing did. Revenge didn?t even occur to him. People died getting revenge. Nope, it wasn?t his style.
Now, if someone put a price on their heads, he?d?.
?..
Nah, nobody would ever hire him ever again. Nobody hires double-crossers, no matter how good they are.
So that?s that. His living?s dead. He?s dead. The pink hippos have won and will soon celebrate with the orange sea cucumbers.
?.at least they let him have his towels?.his dear Kero-chan and Shirayuki towels?
?.they were all for stripping him of his assault rifles, but they wouldn?t come anywhere near his towel?.
?ah, they were all well versed in the ways of the towel. Good for them. That meant they knew that coming within wrapping range of the dreaded towel meant instant?.
Eh??
What?s a kid doing in a cell?? On death row??
In the cell next to his, sitting on the bench, with her thighhighs swinging to and thro under her, was what seemed like a young girl in a purple skirt, a rather oversized purple pilot?s tanktop, and a set of puffy detached white sleeves. To top it all off, she had a huge
ridiculous delicious-looking yellow hat sitting atop her golden auburn hair.
While Trent felt very much at home here on death row, he had some semblance of sanity, enough to know that most ordinary people have some aversion to sitting on death row?
?and this kid looked as if she was sitting there waiting for her school bus, all smiles and cheeriness?.
??.kid??? He finally ventured. Nobody else was allowed to be insane like him. It?s trademarked!
??.? No response.
.kid?? He repeated, a little louder this time.
?.? Even louder silence. No response.
??.young lady??? He finally said.
?Yes?? The young girl aimed her bright, seventy seven gajillion gigawatts lighthouse-Xenon-lamp-like smile at him.
??hmmm?? He cocked his head to one side. ?Nah, you?re still a kid.?
The girl seemed a little surprised, actually. What at, Trent couldn?t pinpoint it.
?You realize what this place is?right?? Trent asked.
?Yep. Death rows.? The girl said, without hesitation, as if simply answering a question in class.
??..you know what a death row is?? Trent asked, raising an eyebrow.
?Yep. It means I?m gonna dies, yep.? The girl said, her smile not deflating one bit.
??..hmmm?.do you know what it means to die??? Trent asked, curious.
??.hmmmm?? The girl seemed to give this some thought. ?Well, nope. I?ve never died befores, so nopes.?
??heh, you?re not scared?? Trent asked.
?A littles.? She conceded. ?But why worries when I can?t do much about its, nopes??
?Heh, wise words.? Trent nodded. ?Just what Kero-chan was telling me, isn?t that right, Kero-chan?? He asked his towel.
?Oh! Your towel speaks?!? The girl asked, seemingly surprised and fascinated.
?Yeah, off course she does. She?s my very bestest best friend in the whole wide world.? Trent nodded. ?Here, meet Kero-chan.?
?Oh, hello there, Kero-chans.? The girl said, reaching through the bars to shake a tattered end of the towel. ?I?m Suwako, pleased to make your acquaintances, yeps. You smell nice~?
?Hmm, Kero-chan said she?s flattered to make yours.? Trent nodded at Suwako. That was the first time anybody ever told Kero-chan they liked her smell, so he found himself rather pleasantly mollified. ?I?m Trent, by the way. And this is Shirayuki.? He showed her the other towel, this one bedecked with dandelion patterns.
?A fun fun pleasures indeeds, Trent, yep.? Suwako smiled, taking Trent?s hand in her own small one, before shaking Shirayuki?s frayed edge too. ?Ne, ne, I couldn?t hear Kero-chan or Shirayuki-chan speaks??
?Ah, they?re a little shy. Don?t worry though. It took me a whiles until I got to hear their voice. Warmed up to me one day after I saved them from a rocket explosion, y?see. The red elephants were out to get me that day. Bloody dangerous they were.?
?Red elephants?!? Suwako gasped. ?That sounds dangerouses, yeps. How?d you escapes?!? She asked, excited.
?Well?.? And Trent went on at length about the time he encountered the red elephants on Europa, and the time he barely managed to escape from a horde of giant ping-pong balls shaped like anteaters, and the time he?.
?.an hour passed?.
?Suwako took in all of his stories, while hugging Kero-chan (Trent gave her special permission to hold onto Kero-chan, cause she was such a good girl), cooing with excitement at every turn, gasping with shock and cheering with happiness at each little thing.
?Ne, ne, so you?re a mercenary, right?? Suwako finally asked, after Trent finished relating to her his pursuit of a group of drunk purple spotted dinosaurs. ?You work for people who hire yous, yep??
?Yeah.? Trent nodded. ?People call me the Frame-Reaper?.though I?m not quite sure why?.I don?t do interior designing after all??
?I wish to hire yous, yep.? Suwako said.
??.what?s the pay?? He asked, partly out of habit, partly out of resigned amusement.
??your life.? The girl grinned brightly.
??my?life??? Trent gave this some thought.
Just then, a few MFC soldiers walked in and unlocked their cells. The cuffs on their wrists flew together and locked themselves in front of them. ?Move.? The soldier snapped at them both, as his colleagues shoved them out of the cells and into the long corridor.
?Oooh?is this the part where we get to shake hands with that big purple rhinoceros?? Trent asked, excitedly.
?Whatever.? The soldier pushed him on with the butt of his rifle. ??someone hand me a gas mask?something stinks to hell here?.?
They were herded out into the open. Trent felt himself blinded by Avalon?s artificial setting sun for a bit as he was led onto a raised platform amidst an open space atop the ship where a number of soldiers, a camera crew, and a judge were gathered.
He found himself left with Suwako and a few other people atop the platform, facing the judge. The camera seemed to focus in on him. He gave it a bright foxy grin in response, something that freaked out half the Martian population watching the live feed out of their wits.
He noticed the soldiers tossing out a number of bodies off the platform, off the ship, and into the ground far below the frigate.
?Trent?.no-last-name?.? The judge began. ?You?ve been accused of leading a terrorist attack with the goal of dropping this unidentified anomalous extraterrestrial object into Martian lands and thusly kill billions of innocents. How do you plead.?
??cake?? Trent asked.
?I hereby sentence you to death by firing squad.? The judge said, simply, before turning to Suwako. ?Suwako Moriya?you are accused of taking part in a conspiracy against the Martian Peoples, one that may bring grievous harm to billions of innocents. How do you plead??
?Guilty!? Suwako chimed, happily.
?I hereby sentence you, ah, same.? The judge turned to the next person in line. ?Astral Pancake, you are?.?
?Hey?about the deal??? Trent asked.
??.what about it?? Suwako asked, sweetly.
?What?s the job?? Trent asked.
??hmmm?? Suwako seemed to give this some thought. ?Well?fight for me.? She said, with a huge grin.
??is there cake?? Trent asked.
??.no, not really.? Suwako said, after a thought. ??.hmmm?there are cucumbers??
??.Kero-chan?s sure there?ll be cake?? Trent said. ?And I trust Kero-chan?so?I?m in.?
?Good.? Suwako nodded, happily.
Trent looked around at the soldiers around him. ?Eh, sorry misters, I?ve got a client now, so?? He roped in one of the soldiers holding onto him with his towel, pulled him in, banged his head into his, knocking him out, before stealing his assault rifle and smacking it into the other two soldiers around him, freeing Suwako. With a sommersault, he knocked the last soldier next to him unconscious, giving his head one last good stomp before wiping his boots clean on his face.
?You bastard!? The other soldiers leveled their rifles at them. Trent blinked upon seeing them aim for Suwako.
??protect her?? He heard his towel, Shirayuki, speak, before it detached itself from his hips and flew off in the violent wind, straight into the line of fire, obscuring the soldiers? view.
?N-no! S-SHIRAYUKI-CH-CHAAAN!? Trent roared after his beloved towel as the soldiers opened fire. He too ran into the line of fire, unconsciously shielding Suwako?s body with his own. But he could only watch as the bullets ripped his beloved dandelion towel to shreds.
?N-NOOOOOO!? He screamed, closing his eyes as tears burst forth, just as the bullets pulled through the towel and homed in on him and Suwako. ?Sh-SHIRAYUKIIIIIIIII!?
But the bullets never came?.
?instead?
The ground underneath them shook?
He opened his bleary eyes and looked out through his tears to see a huge metal wall in the way. Whatever it was, it had blocked the bullets.
He looked up and noticed that it was in fact a giant mechanical hand?.attached to a mechanical arm?.attached to?
?what the?
He blinked as he looked up into a giant, somewhat humanoid metal face.
?S-Shirayuki?? He whispered. ?S-Shirayuki?.y-you?re alive?.a-and y-you?ve grown??
?Trent, come ons!? Suwako?s cry caused him to turn around to see an open hatch just below the gigantic humanoid body?s chest, where the guts should be. ?Shirayuki-chan?s waiting!?
Trent sniffled as he wiped his tears away and grinned up at Suwako. ?Right behind you!?
He leapt onboard and sat down in one of the seats. ?Eh, comfy?? He smiled, bouncing up and down a little in the seat as the hatch closed securely behind them with a faint whisper of well-maintained pneumatics.
??.err?that?s my seats, yep.? Suwako pointed out. ?Yours is that one.? She pointed up at the big seat right behind her own. It was elevated about half a meter above Suwako?s, surrounded by an array of controls and set of what looked like joysticks.
??cool?.just like the arcade back on Europa?? He grinned, taking his seat. ??err?what?re the two other seats for?? He asked, glancing at the other two seats on either side of his, set at angles towards the front.
??.passengers?? Suwako suggested, seemingly not sure herself.
??fair enough.? Trent shrugged, placing Kero-chan on one of them. ?The pink hippo can have the other seat.?
??.?
??.so, what?re we waiting for??? Trent asked.
?Umm?you?re?sort of in the pilot?s seats?? Suwako hazarded.
??and?? Trent asked. ??what, should I switch places with the pink hippo??
?No, you?re piloting this child, Shirayuki-chan, yeps.? Suwako pointed out. ?She?s been waiting for you?that?s what she?s telling mes??
?Ah, is that so?? Trent grinned a wide grin. ?Eh, well, let?s see how this goes. Shirayuki-chan, let?s party!?
Just then, a huge explosion rocked the Borroughsbury Palace below. The Liberation of Avalon had begun. And the
Combat Construction Nachtmare Shirayuki had been caught right in the middle of it,