Author Topic: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates  (Read 13518 times)

Hello Purvis

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Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« on: September 19, 2009, 06:49:52 AM »
But that's jus' fine an' dandy, on account of Ole Purvis bein' 'ere to help ye.

Yer first lesson on Pirates!

Piracy's an old, old craft. Tis been said piracy's about as old as people usin' logs t' get across rivers whilst carryin' goods. Ye'll find records o' piracy ag'in Rome, ye'll hear stories o' it from Greeks an' Phoenicians. And it's been a part o' Southeast Asia fer ages 'pon ages. I dun known Asia's piracy s'well, so ye'll forgive me, I'm hopin', if I gloss o'er it a bit. Tis a seperate tradition from western piracy anyhow.

When most folks think o' pirates, they think o' th' Caribbean. An' suren it was a good time to be on the account (That is, practicing piracy). But ye'll find as well there's a rich tradition o' it in th' Mediterranean as well. In particular, places like Malta an' (I'm thinkin') Cyprus have a long history o' piracy t' 'em. An' piracy played a true an' important role in th' Crusades; an' the centuries t' follow as Muslims an' Christians plundered each other. But, we're gonna focus on th' Caribbean pirate.

Th' Caribbean twas a natural place fer piracy t' sping up. Spain was happily killin' an' lootin' South America, so was Portugal. All that gold what they killed for had t' be shipped back home, an' the seas around th' caribbean were still wild an' unpatrolled. Tis only natural that freebooters would show up.

Yer early pirates were buccaneers. They got this name from boucan, a kind o' jerky they'd make. Buccaneers settled in on unclaimed islands (well, unclaimed by th' Europeans. Twere more than enough Caribbean folk on 'em). They'd make camps, hunt for food, an' generally live like settlers 'r rovin' bandits while on land. But a lot o th' time, they were out prowlin' fer ships t' take. Later on, as th' Caribbean twas settled an' built up, Buccaneers died off in favor o' a less survivalist style o' freebooter.

One o' th' big misconceptions about piracy is th' captain. Most folks thin' th' captain was th' tyrant o' the ship. Twas nothin' further than th' truth. Th' captain was first among equals. Ye gotta remember, most times pirates were former merchant sailors or navy men, where th' captain twas god an' emperor o' th' ship, as 'is power came from the crown or the company. An' that captain would use that power t' keep th' bottom line low. Sometimes, this would make th' crew mutiny. After disposin' o' the old captain, they'd pick a new captain, usually th' mutiny leader. This captain was a leader, but only durin' battle. Other times, he was just a man on th' ship. He could make plans, aye. But the crew had to agree to it. Often times, the ship would write up an article, delinatin' power and rights to th' crew. A crewman could well go into th' captain's cabin an' drink from th' captain's stock if well he wanted! But, this bein' said, usually th' captain twas given respect an' deference. S'long's 'e didn't 'is luck, pirates didnae have regular elections; they booted th' captain soon as enough of 'em got sick o' 'im.

Tis enough fer now. Later on, I'll tell ye about privateers and pirate towns.

Pako

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2009, 06:51:42 AM »
I'll always be a better privateer then you, son.

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Hello Purvis

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2009, 06:53:30 AM »
Ye always were better at sniffin' after the Crown's arse, I'll tell ye that truly.

Apotheosis

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2009, 06:55:26 AM »
I rescued my entire family, killed Blackbeard, and retired a judge on a small tropical island.

Am I pirate enough for ye?
The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr - Mohammed

Pako

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2009, 06:55:47 AM »
At least I have the zoggin Letter of Marque so I won't be punished for plundering.

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Jana

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2009, 06:57:05 AM »
A mighty infermative article, Captain Purvis. Ye really got the Piratin' Spirit in ya.

Hello Purvis

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  • Hello Jerry
Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2009, 06:58:39 AM »
I rescued my entire family, killed Blackbeard, and retired a judge on a small tropical island.

Am I pirate enough for ye?

Tis true ye are a fine pirate, and I take my hat off to ye! Did ye find th' Incan Treasure?


At least I have the zoggin Letter of Marque so I won't be punished for plundering.

Tis a small man what fears punishment from half a world away. I'll just not get caught til I can retire well an' good on Nassau.

A mighty infermative article, Captain Purvis. Ye really got the Piratin' Spirit in ya.

Thank ye kindly.
« Last Edit: September 19, 2009, 07:01:36 AM by Captain Purvis M.F.D. »

Nine West

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #7 on: September 19, 2009, 06:59:20 AM »
1 minute before 09/19/09...

Pako

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #8 on: September 19, 2009, 07:03:42 AM »
Let us meet in sea then landrat Purvis. And we shall see who of us is better at ruling the seas!

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Hello Purvis

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2009, 07:05:49 AM »
I would take up yer challenge, but ye'd just take a longboat out on th' nearest loch an' think t' yerself t'was th' Baltic.  I nary need t' starve waitin' on ye.

Bias Bus

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #10 on: September 19, 2009, 07:07:52 AM »
1 minute before 09/19/09...
FFFFFFFFFFFF-

I did not realize that initially...

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #11 on: September 19, 2009, 07:08:21 AM »
Does a zoggin' giant sword count as a plunderin' tool, ye mighty cap'n?

Hello Purvis

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #12 on: September 19, 2009, 07:09:48 AM »
All that generally matters is th' results.

Pako

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #13 on: September 19, 2009, 07:10:36 AM »
I would take up yer challenge, but ye'd just take a longboat out on th' nearest loch an' think t' yerself t'was th' Baltic.  I nary need t' starve waitin' on ye.


If ye are to scared to meet me then say so! If ye will run then I will chase you down 'till the end of the world, because I loathe cowards like that King of us called Balkellende.



Does a zoggin' giant sword count as a plunderin' tool, ye mighty cap'n?

If ye want to join my crew then the answer is yes, my mighty comrade!

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Hello Purvis

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #14 on: September 19, 2009, 07:12:14 AM »
Says th' lad who purchased 'is ship.

Pako

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #15 on: September 19, 2009, 07:16:41 AM »
Ye speak to much rat! Give yer coordinates, so that I will be able to sink yer puny ship in to the depths of the ocean.

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Hello Purvis

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #16 on: September 19, 2009, 07:19:17 AM »
Tis a lot of talk from th' lad who thinks a sun sightin' tis what happens when th' rooster crows.

Apotheosis

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #17 on: September 19, 2009, 07:21:00 AM »
Tis true ye are a fine pirate, and I take my hat off to ye! Did ye find th' Incan Treasure?

I don't remember. :(
The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr - Mohammed

Pako

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #18 on: September 19, 2009, 07:23:05 AM »
I think ye need to look at yourself a little moment my dear rat, It is really puny to think the rain is caused by crying angels.

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Hououin Kyouma

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #19 on: September 19, 2009, 07:24:35 AM »
Pirate Kanye West
"DUMBASS!" "I'd hit it" "Bear-sona~!" "Critical hits to the nads!" "What you're really asking is... "Will you please beat the **** out of me, Kanji?" "...I Gotta pee." ''Everydays great at your Junes~'' "You calling me a loser?"

Pako

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #20 on: September 19, 2009, 07:25:33 AM »
Pirate Kanye West

Don't talk about crybabies like 'im, he should be keelhauled by his own crew.

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Hello Purvis

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  • Hello Jerry
Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #21 on: September 19, 2009, 07:48:45 AM »
BELAY THIS CHATTER! Tis time fer th' men t' speak.


As Spain was makin' their fortune by legitimate means (that is, bloody conquest), many o' th' early pirates were French and English in nationality; wit' a nice smattering of Dutch fer good measure. There were Spanish pirates as well, but they were not as common due to making money off th' conquests, and because many pirates chose not t' prey upon their own nations. In time, France and England started to draw profit from their colonies, and more Spanish pirates entered into th' game. As far as the English pirates went, a disproportionate number o' 'em were Scottish and Welsh in origin; that is, poorer regions o' England. Not so sure if that held true among th' other nations, but I'd wager it so.

As pirates were in th' game for money, many were the time they would ignore th' laws o' conduct on th' sea. Pirates would often keep a variety of flags on hand, whatever they needed to get close t' their prey. Other times, they would take more elaborate measures; there are stories o' 'em having some o' th' lads wearin' dresses an' carryin' parasols t' make the prize ship thin' they were just carryin' colonists.

Pirates tended toward smaller, faster ships. Their goal twas t' get to th' prize as fast as possible, dodge th' cannons, an' board it. Cannons were used, at most t' soften th' prize up. Boardin' was the goal, not sinkin'. To assist in this, pirate ships tended toward large crews; more hands for fightin'. As such, ship life on a pirate vessle twas particularly cramped. Particularly effective or charismatic captains could well attract a small fleet o' ships; as well pirates would sometimes band t'gether t' hit a particularly rich prize.

Once a ship was taken, everything of value was up fer grabs. Cargo, personal possesions, food, drink, ye name it. As for the fate of th' crew, really it came down to th' individual captains an' what happened. Ideally, th' pirates want th' prize t' surrender wit'out a fight. Life's just easier that way. Smart pirates tried to be merciful toward prizes that surrendered; it encouraged future prizes who heard their name to surrender. As well, prizes that resisted were often brutalized; but a wise captain would leave enough behind to tell the tale of what happens when ye try an' fight back. Some captains were more inclined toward brutality, some toward civility. Other times, th' crew just did what they wanted; after months on th' sea there's a likely a lot of pent up anger and frustration to be taken out on th' prize. That is doubly so if th' pirates nation weren't on good terms wit' th' prize's nation. But overall, th' pirates preferred to have an easier time wit' more surrenders than fights.


Pako

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #22 on: September 19, 2009, 07:53:18 AM »
Ay, This got me to think, 'ow about we join forces companion Purvis, I will betray the VOC and we can go together after big ships.

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Tengukami

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #23 on: September 19, 2009, 07:58:13 AM »
Oh gawd, not you, too, Purvis. Don't tell me you've also fallen for this asanine "yarr matey i be a pirate" nonsense.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Hello Purvis

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #24 on: September 19, 2009, 08:00:41 AM »
To that I say drown yerself in a chamberpot. Pirates are an important part o' history an' th' development of Western Civilization in North America, an' only a fool would say anythin' to th' contrary!

Tengukami

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #25 on: September 19, 2009, 08:02:03 AM »
I don't dispute it. The history is fascinating. It's the Long John Silvers' accent that gets me.

EDIT: Don't mean to threadshit. The history really is interesting.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Pako

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #26 on: September 19, 2009, 08:02:18 AM »
Ye still has answered my offer Purvis.

And yes, Tengukami ye will be keelhauled in about 5 minutes ya landrat.

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Hououin Kyouma

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #27 on: September 19, 2009, 08:03:03 AM »
Oh gawd, not you, too, Purvis. Don't tell me you've also fallen for this asanine "yarr matey i be a pirate" nonsense.
he is th' one who started it
"DUMBASS!" "I'd hit it" "Bear-sona~!" "Critical hits to the nads!" "What you're really asking is... "Will you please beat the **** out of me, Kanji?" "...I Gotta pee." ''Everydays great at your Junes~'' "You calling me a loser?"

Zengar Zombolt

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Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #28 on: September 19, 2009, 08:03:19 AM »
Fer today, this be the most important thread around the seven seas.

Hello Purvis

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  • Hello Jerry
Re: Ye Don't Know Shit About Pirates
« Reply #29 on: September 19, 2009, 08:07:17 AM »
I don't dispute it. The history is fascinating. It's the Long John Silvers' accent that gets me.

EDIT: Don't mean to threadshit. The history really is interesting.

Nae war save fer a class war.

he is th' one who started it

I'm thinkin' th' Good Captain Drake I had a role as well.

Ye still has answered my offer Purvis.

Well...they say there be a fat fleet callin' port to Caracas...