Weekly Writing Challenge Thread the First

[Alfred F. Jones]

The entry deadline is less than 48 hours away, and not a single entry to speak of. Wanna extend this for a week, Sakana?

[Dead Princess Sakana]

I'd like to let the writers decide. There were six people announcing a possible entry, how are things looking on your sides, everyone?

[Iced Fairy]

Hm...  I'm doing poorly, but that's because I've discovered I really want to be writing more Okuu/Orin instead of this.

Railgun also slowed me down.  As did Iji.

Still I'm about halfway done.  I'll probably finish it up tommorow.

[Tengukami]

I'd like another week, but I'm alright with the deadline falling on schedule, too.

[theshirn]

I hope you're not counting me; I wasn't planning on writing for this week.  No inspiration whatsoever

Spoiler:

and the only one I'd write would be Iku anyway and I can't think of anything to do with her

.

[FinnKaenbyou]

Any writer who produces on time is a fraud!

I'll try and get something in for tomorrow, though I wouldn't be against a deadline if it'd get a substantial increase in input.

[Dead Princess Sakana]

Well, if things are like that, I really think we don't want to rush you guys but rather let you calmly finish your entries properly. Therefore:

~ SPELLBREAK! Battleship "DEADLINE" has been defeated! You have gained an EXTEND! ~

Extension is exactly one week as usual. If I see less than five entries at the end of that, I'll have to ask Ruro for distribution of punishment

Have fun writing~

[Bias Bus]

Ah good, cuz I was about to HOLYSHIT RUSHWRITE again.

...I'll still try to work on my entry today though, not gonna fuck this up...

[Alfred F. Jones]

Extension is exactly one week as usual. If I see less than five entries at the end of that, I'll have to ask Ruro for distribution of punishment

Well then.

Looks like we're gonna have to get creative, Sakana~

[Nobu]

To be fair, this was right around final exam season. :<

[Bias Bus]

Going through some shit right about now, although I am feeling a bit better now (since we do have 2 weeks instead of 1...) so maybe I'll write tomorrow?

That is if nothing stupid comes up...

[Alfred F. Jones]

Going through some shit right about now, although I am feeling a bit better now (since we do have 2 weeks instead of 1...) so maybe I'll write tomorrow?

Don't worry, dude, I saw that. I accept that as a legit excuse.

As for the rest of them... :|

[An Odd Sea Slug]

Sorry, I just haven't been able to get my ass in gear. <__>  Between a new job, other projects and occasional cluster headaches, the WWC hasn't really been a priority.

[Dead Princess Sakana]

Erebus is excused, obviously. Odda as well, since you announced you might enter before, but couldn't be sure.

But as for the others, come on now. I hope there'll be at least something after those next 24 hours. I. WANT. TO. JUDGE!

[Iced Fairy]

(Not my finest work, but it's what I'm able to finish.  Perhaps fiction threads work like begging bowls and something better will show now that this is in.)

Medicine looked askance at the small rabbit girl in front of her.  "Hm?  You want me to do what?"

"I want you to fill in for me as a medical assistant," Tewi repeated looking forlorn.  "I'd do it myself, but there's a sick rabbit who needs my help.  Please I beg of you!  I promise to pay you five times what I earn normally!  No ten!"

Medicine thought for a moment.  "How much do you get paid."

"I forget the exact hourly rate, but I assure you it matches my work effort exactly," Tewi replied.

Medicine stood there for a bit longer.  "Well, okay.  I guess I can do that.  Su-san will help."

"Thank you so much!"  The rabbit youkai bowed deeply.

"Anyway I guess I'll go off then.  See ya later."  Medicine began to skip happily off towards the clinic.

As soon as the doll youkai was out of sight Tewi dropped her act.  "Well that's that.  Time to get the real work for today done."

----

Reimu sighed as she swept the grounds again.

While the Hakurei shrine wasn't actually destitute, it was still poor.  And this time of the year was a pretty bad as far as donations go.  If she didn't get some donations in soon she'd have to start beating up youkai for free meals in order to have a decent dinner.

"Maybe if I cook I could convince Marisa to go fishing for me," Reimu muttered to herself.  "Or maybe one of my rabbit snares will catch something."

Suddenly her ears perked up at the sound of the prayer bell being rung.  Reimu headed towards the donation box to see who it was.  Other people would have been excited, but Reimu had a sneaking suspicion that this was another fairy prank.

Sure enough when she reached the front of the shrine the place was empty.  Frowning she checked the donation box itself.  There at the bottom was a pile of leaves with a weak illusion on them to make them look like money.  Reimu swore.  "What the hell? Did I not have enough leaves to deal with?"

Sighing again, Reimu lifted off the grate and began tossing out the leaves.  She got most of them out in a few handfulls, but something caught her eye.

Dragging the box into the light she noticed a hole in the bottom of the box.  "Hmm?  When did that happen?"  She quickly checked the ground underneath where the box had been sitting and saw the dull gleam of coins in the shade.  "Alright!"

Her smile grew wider when she saw a bill there too.  She'd have to fix her donation box, but that was just a small annoyance compared to the money she'd just gained.  "Alright!  Meat's back on the menu!"

At little ways behind the shrine, Tewi shook her head at the shine maidens joyful cries.  Then with a quick tug she finished undoing the snare around the trapped rabbits foot.  "You're lucky I came along when I did.  You've got to work on your cuteness if you don't want to be that miko's lunch."

The rabbit of course responded by taking off for safer pastures.  Tewi simply shrugged and moved on.  She had a lot of work to do.  Or not do, either way.

---

Cirno looked questioningly at the rabbit.  The fairy might not actually have been a genius, but she wasn't that stupid.

"Why should I freeze this river again?" she asked.

Tewi smiled brightly.  "Why to prove you're the strongest of course!  There are lots of frogs in that river, so if you freeze it, the giant frog will have to hunt you down."

Cirno glared at Tewi.  "How does this help me?  I don't like the giant frog, but I already know where to go to fight him."

"Because you'll be able to fight the frog on your ground, not his.  That's why he has the advantage."  Tewi began her best 'Eirin lecture' imitation.  "You see to master the terrain is the first goal of battle.  When you control the terrain, you control your enemy."

Cirno's expression turned to excitement.  "Ooooh.  That sounds right.  Hm...  At last I will have my vengeance!  I should get that Tengu to write it up in her paper too.  Okay!  Where's the stream I'm supposed to freeze!"

Tewi gave the ice fairy a look.  "It's the one you're standing next to."

Cirno looked down.  Sure enough there was a stream there.  A rather large one in fact.  More of a river really, the fairy noted.  Still there was nothing she couldn't freeze.

Cirno happily flew to the center of the river.  "Alright!  Prepare yourselves little frogs!  Hibernation's coming early this year!"  he raised her hands to the sky then brought them down on the rivers surface.

Cirno's touch rapidly stole all heat from the water, faster then the stream could flow away.  Soon there was a sudden cracking sound as the river began to freeze in place.  Cirno was about to focus even more when a sudden scream caused her to lose her concentration.

Most fairies knew that when people started screaming, you ran.  But Cirno wasn't concerned about such things.  Instead she flew to see what had happened.

Thus she was totally surprised as she flew around the bend and found herself grabbed by two clawed hands.  "You idiot!" Mystia yelled.  "Watch what you're freezing!  If I hadn't jumped out of the water fast enough you would have frozen my legs!"

"Huh?  But I was just trying to freeze the frogs.  The rabbit said..."  Cirno looked behind her and saw Tewi had long since fled the scene.

Mystia's glare didn't seem to lessen.  "So you're an extra big idiot.  How are you going to repay me?"

Cirno considered the matter.  "I'm sorry?"

Mystia shook the fairy.  "And what about the fish?  I need those lamprey for my shop!"

"Huh?"  Cirno looked behind the night sparrow to see a basket with several lamprey in it as well as several more of the fish frozen beneath the surface.  "Why is that a problem?  You can just take them as is."

Mystia's expression changed to confusion.  "What?"

"Well they're just frozen right?  Just break them out and let them thaw.  It'll keep them fresh too," Cirno explained.

Mystia let the fairy go and considered the matter.  "You're right.  That will help.  But I can't get them out of the ice by myself.  That would take an ice saw or something."

Cirno's wings fluttered in excitement.  "No worries!  Let me show you what the strongest fairy can do!"

As the ice fairy began cutting lamprey out of the frozen stream Tewi exited from her hiding place and grabbed a half frozen frog.  "I'll be borrowing you for a second," the rabbit said with a smile.

---

Kogasa scurried to the next pillar, making she to keep out of the sight of the shrine maiden there.  The karakasa smiled.  She just needed to wait a few seconds, then the shrine maiden would turn away and...

A sudden sharp crack issuing from the top of the karakasa's skull brought those thoughts to an end. 

"Seriously.  Do you ever plan to give up?" Sanae asked the youkai as Kogasa rubbed the impact spot.

Kogasa tried to smile innocently.  "Well actually this is more stealth training.  I'm really planning on surprising you at night."

Sanae whacked the youkai with her gohei again.  "Don't do that either!"

Kogasa was about to give her rebuttal when something very cold and wet dropped into the back of her dress.

The karakasa screamed and jumped forward, colliding with a very surprised Sanae.  The two landed in a heap, Kogasa strugling to get whatever had been dropped down her back out of her dress, Sanae trying to get away from the flailing karakasa.

Eventually Sanae extracted herself.  "What the heck was that!" the miko yelled. 

Instead of replying Kogasa used her new freedom of movement to grab the offending object and toss it away. 

There was a wet smack.  Sanae found her vision obscured by a cold, wet, squirming, thing.  She screamed and slapped it to the ground before flying back.

The thawed frog shook off the stunning blow the miko had given it, then began it's escape with a loud croak.

Sanae swore and wiped the slime off her face before turning back to the karakasa.  She was about to ask who had done put the frog there, when she noticed the huge grin on the youkai's face.  "Were you surprised miss shrine maiden?" Kogasa asked in a sickly sweet tone.

Sanae stiffened in anger, then gave a far more disturbing smile in return.  "Yes I was miss youkai.  Are you happy?"  Kogasa gave the miko a nervous look.  "Because now I'll be collecting payment for the enjoyment you've had at our temples expense...."

Tewi ignored the danmaku battle that erupted on the shrine grounds as Kogasa tried futilely to escape.  Instead she retrieved the frog.  "Good work soldier.  I'll drop you in the giant toad' pond on the way down.  Unless you want to go to the Sanzu?"

The frog seemed happy with the first destination.

---

Komachi yawned and opened her eyes.  She hadn't meant to fall asleep, it just had been such a nice day...  Well she'd worked hard before lunch.  That should be good enough, right?

The scowling face of her boss as her eyes fully opened informed her that her hopes were in vain.

"Komachi!  How do you explain this?" Shikieiki Yamaxandu asked.

Komachi jumped to her feet.  "Well Boss, um, how do I say it, there's just something about Gensoukyo..."

The judge poked her in the chest with her stick of judgement.  "I know that these people in Gensoukyo are battle maniacs, but as a shinigami you shouldn't be such an easy target.  Look at yourself."

Komachi stared in confusion at the mirror the Yama held up.  On her face someone had draw various things in marker, the largest blot reading something like, "You lost to Wriggle!"

A few seconds later Komachi realized her luck.  Shikieiki thought she'd been beaten in a danmaku duel.  That meant she wasn't being blamed for not working!  "Well you know the ferryman program isn't as combat intensive.  And sometimes you just get blindsided," the Shinigami 'explained' rapidly.

The Yama's eyes closed.  "Hm... We'll have to fix that then.  Henceforth you'll have the afternoons off."  Komachi smiled brightly.  "During that time off you'll engage in combat training to get your skills back to where they should be."  Komachi's grin dissapeared.  Shikieiki of course ignored that.  "That should work out nicely."

The shinigami managed a weak laugh.  "I'll get right on that Boss..."

Komachi glanced down longingly at her favorite sleeping place.  For a while at least, they would have to part.

Further upstream Tewi finished developing the polaroids she'd taken.  It had been a lot of work, but she'd eventually learned how to make the Kappa created camera work for her.  Now it was time to put it to it's purpose.

She headed off to Mystia's eel cart.

---

Tewi nursed the lump on her head.  She'd made it safely back to Eientei, but it seemed that her plan had failed, since Eirin did nothing to keep Reisen from delivering a beating for taking that photo.

"I see you've been out spreading lies again, Tewi."

Tewi looked up to see the princess of this little estate.  "I wasn't spreading lies, I was spreading luck.  You should know that princess!"

Kaguya smiled.  "Oh really?  And how many people did you give luck to?"

Tewi did a quick count on her fingers.  "Six, I think.  It's hard for me to tell, since I'm so lucky."

"Oh really.  Isn't it odd though that poor Udonge doesn't seem to get any of that luck," Kaguya noted.

"Reisen's a special case."  Tewi shrugged and began walking to the baths.  "After all if she's going to learn how to lead the Rabbit's when I'm gone she's going to need to find her own luck."

Kaguya blinked at the response.  "Is that a lie as well, or the truth?" she asked.

Tewi turned around and grinned widely.  "Yes!"

[FinnKaenbyou]

Punishment successfully avoided!

-----

Dawn cracked over the temple of Myouren. Not that any of its residents noticed it in particular - either they had woken long before the sun had, or today was their day off and they'd decided to reward themselves with a good long lie-in.

So obviously, the small army that had formed in one of the temples unused rooms was just as uninterested as anyone else. They were all listening to one of their superior's monologues - the only way she ever communicated with them, given that no-one could really talk back.

"Gentlemen, I'm not going to lie to you. All of you are untrained, malnourished, and six inches tall at best. Our enemies are a giant cloud who punches things (and the girl who controls him, I guess), a ghost who throws around anchors for fun, and a nigh-immortal Buddhist monk. Shou doesn't count, I can probably sweet talk her out of fighting."

The commander marched in front of her army with the utmost confidence, hundreds of tiny mouse eyes trained on her. Her voice echoed through the room and into the corridors beyond without a hint of hesitation. A fiery passion burnt in her eyes, every word more enthusiastic than the last.

"But still! One day, when they least expect it, when Hijiri lets her guard down and trusts me entirely, we will strike! We will take the temple from the inside, and we will show our foes no mercy until they beg for forgiveness! They will learn, my friends! Learn that the mice are a proud race who will bow to no-one, not now, not ever-"

"Nazrin, what are you doing in there?"

Shou's voice rolled in through the door, a slight mumble slipped in with her words. Nazrin's ears twitched.

"Ah! (Evasive maneuvers! All units, retreat!)"

Whispering a command to her forces, Nazrin ordered the mice back into the whole they'd entered from. She ran to the door, looking upward at the tired-looking tiger on the other side.

"Oh, uh, hey. Didn't mean to wake you up, Shou. I was just, uh...doing vocal exercises. Confidence-building and all."

Her eyes occasionally flicked back to the fleeing mice at the ground, but there was no need to worry. Shou looked almost as if she was set to just fall asleep where she stood.

"Ah...yeah, sure. Just try to keep it down..."

Shou nodded to her subordinate once as she closed the door, trudging back to her own quarters. The commander let out a sigh of relief as the threat passed, seeing the last of her mice slipping back outside.

She clenched her fist, aiming it at no-one in particular as she muttered to herself.

"Someday, Hijiri. Someday."

---

It was a slow day at the temple - unsurprising given that by the time they'd arrived almost everyone had either pledged allegiance to either the Hakurei or the Moriya shrines. As such Nazrin found it easy to slip out of work again, leaving her usual note saying she'd be back before sunset and yes, she promised not to talk to any bad humans who offered her cheese. Seriously, Shou was so overprotective sometimes it seemed like she was trying to make herself into a target for ridicule.

These forests were comforting to walk through, Nazrin thought to herself as she strolled around at her own leisure. And on top of that, they were an excellent source for enlistment, assuming she made it to the mice before the local predators did. She moved aside the branches, paying no attention to whatever creatures were residing in them.

Little did she know that in the trees above there were two creatures who were very interested in her, licking their lips on instinct at the sight of a full-grown mouse passing by.

"Looks like that tip you got from the bird was right, kid. Now we've got her walking straight to Mayohiga."

Orin grinned, ruffling her companion's hair as they continued to eye up the mouse. Chen purred quietly, taking care not to let her satisfaction get the pair of them caught.

"Nyaa~! Maybe when I manage to catch her, Ran-sama will finally treat me like a grown-up!"

She looked off into the distance, a childish smile rising on her face. Orin stared at her for a moment, bemused, before shrugging in response.

"Eh. Fine with me, as long as I get to take a good few bites outta her first."

Chen nodded in agreement. She wasn't a big eater, so she didn't mind if Orin got to sample the, uh, fleshier areas. All of that was a problem they could deal with later, though - right now, they needed to actually catch their prey before they could worry about dividing it up.

"...W...Wait..."

Chen's eyes widened as Nazrin passed into the distance. She looked down, seeing a good distance between herself and the ground, and suddenly grabbed at the branch she was standing on for dear life.

"A-Ah! How do we get down from here!?"

There was an awkward silence as Orin watched her companion panic. Rather than intervene, though, Orin decided to enjoy the moment and did nothing to calm Chen down.

"Uwah, where's Ran-sama?! Where's a ladder?! Where's a safety net?! Nyaaah-"

Chen's screaming came to a halt as Orin poked at her nose. It wouldn't have been enough to stop her before, except for the fact that Orin's branch was a good three metres away. Looking down, she became aware that Orin's feet were hanging in mid-air.

"Fly back down, you dummy. How do you think we got up here?"

"...Oh. Um, I knew that..."

---

"Weird. I don't remember there being a village around here..."

Nazrin was surprised as the trees started to give way, revealing a series of abandoned-looking houses that emerged from absolutely nowhere. The doors hung open, welcoming her in, but there were no people inside or posessions to 'borrow'. There wasn't even any sign of mice lurking in the holes in the walls, just a layer of dust running across every floor.

"What sort of place is this?"

Stepping out of the last building, Nazrin sighed as she realised she'd wasted more than enough time around here. Turning back around, she decided to return the way she'd come and walk back through the forest.

It took her a few minutes to realise that she was going around in circles.

"...The hell?"

She'd passed that signpost before, she was sure of it, but she'd been walking in a straight line the whole time. Somewhere her path had somehow looped around on itself, and every way she turned brought her back here. She grumbled to herself as she retraced her steps yet again, wishing she'd at least brought some of her allies for recon.

"This must be some sort of trap. Whoever's behind it has to be inside as well, though..."

Nazrin's eyes started to roam around, looking for any potential hiding places where her captor could be lurking. They could be anywhere, though - there were dozens of houses to hide in, as well as a few large rocks that could conceal a human-sized stalker.

She could feel a pair of eyes glaring at her. She was being watched, but she couldn't quite find the source of it. Her ears perked up on instinct.

"...Calm down. Focus."

Nazrin reached for the pendant on her neck, grasping it tightly. She closed her eyes, removing herself from the world around her. Within her grip, the blue jewel began to glow a dazzling white.

Then, in an instant, she knew.

Her eyes flew wide open, instantly focusing in on their target. One rock in particular caught her eye, and she made her way towards it without a moment of doubt. It wasn't the rock that she was interested in, but what was visible at its side - a long, black object that could easily be mistaken for a cat's tail.

She pulled out her dowsing rods and, with a practiced movement, scooped the tail up into the air.

"Nyah!?"

Chen was caught completely off guard, reaching instinctively for the dress that had been pulled up along with it to protect her decency. Nazrin capitulated, taking another shot with the dowsing rods and smacking the cat in the face.

"Not so fast, mousie!"

Another voice from behind, but her scream had given her away. Nazrin simply had to sidestep to allow the shikigami's partner to do herself in, colliding with Chen in another painful clash. The two cats fell in a crumpled heap, stars dancing in front of their eyes.

"Uguu...Orin, did I screw up...?"

"Quiet, Chen...your twin is tryin' to say something...Oww..."

Nazrin slammed a palm into her face. It was almost insulting to be attacked by opponents of this calibre. She pointed a dowsing rod in each of their faces.

"Afternoon, kids. I'm afraid I'm a little lost, so would you two mind helping me get out of here?"

Chen raised a hand in an attempt to respond, but in her confusion she ended up sending it slamming into Orin's face. The older of the two cats yelped in pain.

"H-Hey! The hell are you doing!? This is your fault, y'know!"

Orin returned the favour, mounting on top of Chen and slapping her full-force. The shikigami soon returned to her senses, but the truce between the two had fallen apart long ago.

"M-My fault?! This was your idea, nyah! Owwie!"

The two descended into childish bickering in a matter of seconds, focusing all their attention on each other. The illusion surrounding Mayohiga slowly dissipated, now that its controller was busy slapping another girl in the face. Nazrin rubbed at her temples.

"Just...wow. I'm going to just pretend this never happened. Okay? Okay. I'm going now."

Of course, neither of the cats were listening, and by now they had started clawing at each other physically. Dresses were torn, faces were scratched, and names were called in a spectacle that any young man with an internet collection would have loved to watch.

It took the two of them an hour to even remember that they'd been trying to catch someone, let alone notice that she was long gone.

---

The journey back to the temple was (fortunately) uneventful in comparison. She had taken longer to leave than she had to enter, mainly because she had taken a five minute break to ram her head into a nearby tree repeatedly to make sure the stupidity didn't spread. She returned, rubbing her newfound, self-inflicted bruise as a much more awake Shou awaited her at the entrance.

"Ah, welcome back, Nazrin."

Shou, as always, greeted Nazrin with a friendly smile as she did her duties. Nazrin was grateful, but only because her companionship gave her an excuse to do as she pleased.

She wondered for a moment why she saw Shou as something resembling a friend, when in the end tigers were simply really big cats. Maybe there was some sort of unseen affinity between them. Maybe there was a friendship that transcended their races. Maybe she just knew Shou wouldn't harm a fly, let alone try to eat her.

Or maybe the girl was just so simple-minded and naive that she practically came with strings attached, ready for Nazrin to control and manipulate as she pleased.

Yeah, the last one sounded about right.

-----

Spoiler:

And before anyone asks, no. This is not RisingStar!Nazrin.

:V

[COPIRIGHTO]

BV
--------------------------------
   My name is Tohno Shiki. Until two weeks ago I?ve been living in the Tohno Mansion. I?ve been gapped here by a Youkai named Yakumo Yukari. She wasn?t at all like a Youkai I expected. Rather than a scary monster, she was a beautiful woman.

-You seem like an interesting young man, with those magical eyes and all.

   Those were the words she said to me before she brought me here. Though, kidnap would be a better word.

-You?ll be staying at my residence, so make yourself at home until I get bored enough to make you your own house.

   She said that with a smile. I take that back. She is scary. I somehow managed to live here for two weeks, I guess I?ll stop being a hikokomori and greet Yukari-san and her shikigami like I did back at the mansion.
sigh I should probably take a bath after staying in my room for two weeks. Then again, I?m pretty hungry after eating only rats?

[Take a bath]
Go eat breakfast

   I decide to take a bath. Yukari told me where everything was and it?s not a very complex mansion. The bathroom is just ahead. Just a few more steps and then I?m-

?Hey there, Mister!?

?Ooowaaaah!?

   A cat girl jumps in front of me and I fall over backwards. I feel a heavy weight on my chest. I glance over and see the cat girl sitting like on my chest. She?s wearing a green hat and two cat ears coming out of her short brown hair. She?s wearing a red dress over a white shirt. She just stares at me with her head tilted to the side.

?Nya??

      She must be one of the shikigami Yukari talked about. She said one was hers and another belonged to the shikigami.

?Who are you?? She asks me.

?I should be asking you the same question. And please get off of me.?

   She jumps off of my chest and stands straight up.

?My name is Chen!?

?Uhh?I?m Shiki. Tohno Shiki.?

?Ah! You must be the new person Yukari-sama brought here! I was wondering where you were! I just thought you died!?

   She?s?pretty energetic. I thought she would be relaxed and composed like the cats in video games and on television, but an energetic cat is fine, too.

?Yukari said you are to become my new shikigami, Shikitohnoshiki!?

?Err, no it?s Shiki, not Shikitoh- wait?WHAT!??

   I look at her dumbfounded.

?I?m going to be your what??

?My shikigami!?

   She tells me this with a goofy grin. What did I just get myself into?
--------------------------------------------
   My name is Tohno Shiki. Until three weeks ago I?ve been living in the Tohno Mansion. Before then, I?ve defeated Vampires, restored my memories, and saved many people. Now, I?ve been reduced to a maid.

?Shiki-chan! Lemme ride your back!?

?Ah, Shiki, I need you to go to Eientei to pick up some stuff for me. Watch out for the Rabbits. Eirin said they?re pretty violent today.?

   Though her Shikigami, Ran, was pretty nice.

?Would you mind cutting these carrots for me??

   The skirt gives me more freedom of movement, and the apron is pretty comfy, so I guess it?s not that bad.

?Ufufufufu, There?s already a knife throwing maid.?

   She told me that and I ponder what other kind of crazy people I?ll run into.
-----------------------------------------------
   I arrive in front of the Magic Forest. Yukari told me there has been people not following the spellcard system established by the Hakurei Shrine Maiden, so the cards Yukari gave me are now useless. But I couldn?t do any danmaku so these cards were useless in the first place. I take off my glasses and tuck it into my apron pocket. I see the lines of death and receive a headache. I thought a while and realized it would be useless without some sort of weapon. I break off the heel of my stiletto and wield it like I did my knife.

   I head forward into the Forest. From here Kourindou would be straight ahead.

   I?ve walked for about ten minutes according to my wrist watch. But thanks to walking with one heel it feels like thirty.

   I hear a twig snap. I look to my left where the sound had come from.

   I ready my weapon and take off my shoes. I can?t fight while I?m in such an awkward stance.

   A shadow jumps above me and smashes the ground. I quickly dodge.
He appears to be a man. A very physically fit man. But the strange thing was?all he?s wearing is a fundoshi.  Ew.

   ?Ohoho! I seem to have caught another, who refuses to obey the rules of the lovely Hakurei Shrine Maiden! Hmmm? Another male? Ohohohoho! Quite rare for Gensokyo!?

   I just stare at him. He?s weird. His body is ripped. His hair is white and his eyes were yellow with glasses in front of them.

?Come! We fight like men! And ladies who dress like men!?

He takes a better look at me.

?Ohohoho! I did not expect to do battle with a man who dresses like a lady!?

   I swear this, guy is crazy. But with a body like that he can easily kill me. I see his lines. They?re very faint and he doesn?t seem have a weakpoint. I begin to panic. What is he? My instincts aren?t kicking in either. So he must be human. But with that kind of power?

   From the distance I hear a cry.

??Plot Device? Deux Ex Machina!?

   I see Chen getting closer being enveloped in light. While the muscular man looks in her direction.

?DYNAMIC ENTRYYYYY!!!?

wham

   She kicks  the man in straight in the face and he is knocked backwards.

?Oomph!?

   The man slams into a tree. I have been saved by Chen.

?AHAHAHA! A simple spell card like that cannot defeat me! MANnosuke Morichika!?

   I spoke too soon. MANnosuke stands up without a scratch.

?Shiki! Run!?

   I can?t leave Chen here. Ran doesn?t seem to be around so she?s weakened in this state what should I do?
[Run]
Stay and Fight

   I run away from the battle. I see bullets coming from behind destroying the trees around me.

   I feel a burn in my back. A bullet must?ve hit me. Is this it? Is this how I?m going to die? I already died so many times with all of those bad ends. Am I going to die again? Here? I look up at the sky. Funny. It?s usually a moon I see when I die. This time it?s a sun. Everything goes dark. I can?t see. I can?t hear. I can?t speak. I can?t feel. Nothing.
---------
BAD END
Take Keine ?Sensei?s lesson?
[yes]
No

Hello! Welcome to Keine-Sensei?s first period! It seems our hero found himself at the end of being caved! Ohohoho! In the Chen route, you can?t just run from the first battle. It even gives away Chen is weaker far away from Chen so she can?t protect you from everything. Remember when a bullet hit you even though he was far away? Well, in danmaku stay at the bottom of the screen isn?t always the best idea. So you have to make use of all eight dimensions and not stay at the bottom. Think of Shizuha?s Falling Leaves of Madness. You can just dodge left and right when you?re up close, but lower down you?ll be attacked from all directions. Keep this in mind when you take on our muscular friend. Until next time on Keine-Sensei?s lesson!
-------------
<load game>

   I can?t leave Chen here. Ran doesn?t seem to be around so she?s weakened in this state what should I do?
Run

[Stay and Fight]

   This is a fight of danmaku and Chen is weaker right now. Chen fires everything she has at Mannosuke and Mannosuke does the same. I crawl behind a tree so I can sneak behind Mannosuke. I jump from tree to tree and he takes no notice.

   I?m no behind Mannosuke. I take my incredibly hard, pointy shoes and knock him out with them?.That ridiculously easy. WHAT IS THIS!?

   I facepalm for a moment and see he is shrinking. His well built muscles are deflating like a balloon and clothes are growing around him. His
fundoshi seems to be disappearing. Wait a minute?
[Keep looking]
Yell out ?what.?

         I keep looking. His fundoshi disappears and I see a shining light. I hear Chen scream.
?Don?t look out at it! You?ll become insane and turn into ash!?

   It?s too late. I see the light from his crotch. I feel something terrible taking over my mind. It was like when I saw Arcueid?s Mystic Eyes. I couldn?t control myself. I look down at my hands and see fingerless gloves coming out of them. I look down at my maid uniform and see jeans where my skirt should be and a jacket takes the place of my Blouse and Apron, and a hat took the place of my tiara. I have sudden thought. I gotta?Catch ?em all.

   I look up at Chen. At least?where Chen should be. Instead I see a white cat with a coin on its forhead.

catch it

   Huh? Catch it? I think I will?

?Shiki! Get a hold of yourself!?

catch it

   I reach into my pocket and get a Pokeball. She?s mine.

catch it

?Catch it.?

?Shiki!?

catch it

   I throw the Pokeball. The Pokemon dodges.

?I?m sorry Shiki??

   Huh? This Meowth spoke! It must be Team Rocket?s! I reach into my pocke-

   I suddenly feel a pain in my stomach. I look at the Meowth. It?s Chen now. I?ve regained my sanity. Chen?s crying. Tears are pouring down her face. I can?t believe I looked. I look up at the moon and embrace Chen. I?m so stupid. Now I have her claws in my stomach. Everything goes dark.
BAD END
-------
Take Keine-Sensei?s Lesson?
[Yes]
No

Hello! Welcome to Second Period! Why did you look? You shouldn?t look. Or else you turn into Ash!
That?s all for Keine-Sensei?s Lesson!
-----
<load game>

   I facepalm for a moment and see he is shrinking. His well built muscles are deflating like a balloon and clothes are growing around him. His fundoshi seems to be disappearing. Wait a minute?
Keep looking
[Yell out ?what.?]

?What.?
   Seriously, what the hell.

?Shiki! Don?t look!?

   Chen shields my eyes with her hands. She takes them off.

?Phew glad that?s over!? She says with a smile on her face.

?What happened??

   Everyday, Gensokyo gets crazier. I should?ve just kicked reason to the curb and ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWAH! Or something like that.
?Rinnosuke sometimes becomes incredibly manly when he gets too excited :3?

?So he?s this Kourindou guy??

?Yes?that would be me??

   Rinnosuke slowly stands up. Other than the robes and the lack of muscles, he?s the same as before. He seems cool and collected instead of
energetic and insane. He?s slouched over and has a hand over his head as though he has a headache.

?Ugh, what a terrible headache.?

?Um?you have something for Miss Yakumo??

?Alright, my place is over that way.?
--------------------------
   We head home to the Yakumo Residence. The package isn?t very heavy, but I wish I could say the same for Chen who?s riding on my back as though I was a horse.

?I had a lot of fun Shiki-chan!?

?Yeah?I did too.?
<Save Game>
________________________________________
Right before the deadline! I think

[Dead Princess Sakana]

~ DEADLINE!   Judges are now preparing, please wait warmly ~

_{I stole Ruro's job, yay.  :V}

[Dead Princess Sakana]

_{I'm stealing even more of Ruro's job. But with her permission  :V}

Judgement has been passed



The results will be announced by our special guest, Aya Shameimaru!

-"Yes, thank you. So this time the theme was 'Animal Abuse in Gensoukyou. To be honest, I'm glad noone wrote about actual abuse. I might have had to involve that red-white miko in that case, animal youkai protection laws and all, you know."

Oh, that sounds like it could have hurt. So, what about the results?

-"Well, due to the small number of entries, of which one might have been a bit too far off-topic, it was a battle between the leaders of the rabbits, and that of the mice.
And the the decision of the judges was the following: Roukanken has won this contest.
A victory for the mice.
I would never have expected Nazrin to plan an operation against her own temple. I'll have to investigate this~"

But we never actually got to know about her plans or how they will turn out, did we?

-"Maybe we'll know one day, if the writer wants to tell us how Nazrin's story continued. Or should I take a few... unfavorable... pictures of him and 'convince' him to write it? Hehehe~"

Ah, no. It will be okay. Anyway, this isn't all, right?

-"Yes, there is one more reward. His story may have been a bit too far from the actual theme, but it was nonetheless hilarious. So, Copyrighted receives a prize as well, namely the right to call himself 'Idiot Princess'. Congratulations."

A well-deserved prize for the originality of his entry. The style, the plot and the inclusion of the 'a cat is fine too'-joke were absolutely wonderful, which is why he was also nominated winner by one of the judges.

-"Alright, my job is done with this, right? Momiji's starting to pull on her leash because she's getting impatient. Down, Momi, down! Bad gir- AAAAHH! DON'T BITE ME! MY HEAD, MY HEAD! AAAHHHHHH!"

Err, Miss Shameimaru, are you alright? This looks painful?

-"GET HER OFF ME! IT HURTS! HEEEEEEEEELLLPPP!"

-"Oh, Aya, hold still for a second. I have to take a picture of that! Turn over here, Momiji!"

Ah, hello Miss Hatate. If you could please help Miss A- oh, they ran off.

Ahem, anyway, with this, we will now get to the next challenge.

Ruro, if you may please:

A huge stigma that fan fiction writers have to confront is that all fan fiction is a self-insert Mary Sue fest. Here, at PSL, we do our best to avoid that characterization.

However, since you have managed to anger Sakana and I so thoroughly by wasting last contest's potential _{(even the ones who didn't)}, we've decided on something precisely along those lines for this week's contest!

May 03, 2010 - What if he was A.N.Onymous?

In this week's humour-based challenge, you will commit the gravest of fanfiction crimes by bringing a self-insert into Gensokyo. Yes, YOU in Gensokyo. It can be a "wake up in Gensokyo"-style fic, or a fic where you've been in Gensokyo for quite a long while already, but the one requirement is that you write your self-insert in Gensokyo.
Mary Sues are completely welcome, especially if they up the humour ratio!

Bahahahaha, and you thought the judges were nice people...

[Iced Fairy]

....

I'm not sure what's worse, your evil, the fact that I already have an idea, or the idea itself.

[Nobu]

Oh god. @_@ And it just -had- to be the one that I was planning on entering since i'm done with school. Ah well, gotta get your self-insert badge some time right?

[Alfred F. Jones]

Nice flavour text, Sakana~

I'm not sure what's worse, your evil, the fact that I already have an idea, or the idea itself.

How about all three at once?

Anyway, I'm curious to see if this challenge will draw in more writers. It's a good and bad thing either way, I think But a little bit of self-deprecation is a good idea every now and again, and comedy is a great thing to pursue, so~

[Chaore]

Pfahahahahahaha~ Rawro you are the best boss ever.

Well. Best Non-Alcoholic boss.

[Bias Bus]

well, time to work on this one.

Raging, yuri-hating, egocentric jerk ass in Genokyo is a go.

[theshirn]

must...not...write...Douchebag in Gensokyo redux...must...not...

Nah, I have finals and crap.  Also, my story would involve either nothing at all or me poking Mokou until I get set on fire.

[The ⑨th Zentillion]

....Does it have to be humorous?

[Alfred F. Jones]

....Does it have to be humorous?

That it does. Read the challenge post.

I've also been reminded that I have a biology term paper due on Tuesday and therefore no time to judge properly over this weekend. As such:

~ SPELLBREAK! Battleship "DEADLINE" has been defeated! You have gained an EXTEND! ~

Extension is exactly one week as usual. Have fun writing~ 

[ravaens]

That it does. Read the challenge post.

Darn. And today I finally thought I got an decent idea. What a cruel thing to do to a gloomy dark fiction writer like me >.>
I'm sure this is obvious, but as long as my personality is maintained, the character skill/background (minus the fact I am from "this real world") can be fictional, correct?

[Alfred F. Jones]

I'm sure this is obvious, but as long as my personality is maintained, the character skill/background (minus the fact I am from "this real world") can be fictional, correct?

Aye, that's correct. As long as you can say it's "you" in good conscience, then I won't mind.

[Iced Fairy]

I shook my head.  Where had this sudden sense of vertigo come from?  Maybe it was the heat.  Or maybe it was because I was flying several stories up in the air.

Wait, flying several stories in the air?!?!?

I frantically began looking around, trying to figure out what was happening.  Several facts popped up.  I was flying.  There were several small fairies hovering about chattering excitedly.  I was carrying something.  And finally someone was putting on a serious light show in front of me.  Except when the lasers touched one of the faries they seemed to explode and drop a mess of small red and blue items.

I, reasonably, decided to panic in my usual fashion, which is to say my head started to ring and my motor control felt very off.  I managed to regain some control just as the person responsible for this devastation became visible.  It was a blond witch on a broom.  I knew I was in serious trouble.  There was only one solution.

"Here!  You can have these!" I yelled as I tossed whatever I was carrying into the sky and ran.  I noticed, in passing, that the objects seemed to be more of the blue tokens the other fairies had been carrying.

I heard a surprised "Thanks?" from behind me as I began my escape, then there was a solid crash.  I foolishly turned around to see what had happened.

It seemed that the witch, in trying to grab the blue items, had run face first into a green haired girl wearing a cape.  The two both clutched their heads in pain.  Then the witch glared at me.  "So it was a trick!  I'll show the both of you!  She held up a card as I turned to run again.  Then there was a massive roar and a lot of pain.

*Pichun*

***

When next I awoke I was on the ground, in a forest.  I felt surprisingly good for having been hit with what I could only assume was a giant laser.  As an added bonus there didn't seem to be anything trying to kill me.  It was time to take a better measure of my situation.

Firstly, I seemed to be in a dress.  Secondly, I seemed to be a girl.  Thirdly, I seemed to be in shock or dreaming, because that last one wasn't really registering.

Considering my current situation I was pretty sure I was dreaming.  I considered pinching myself, but for some reason that never woke me up, it just hurt.  Then I noticed a small pond.  That would work.  Water never felt right in dreams.  I walked over to the puddle and stuck my hand in it.

The unique damp feeling shot stright to my brain.  So this was real.  I guess that meant I was in shock.  That was new and different.

Despite realizing I was now in deep trouble, I took a moment to study my reflection.  I hadn't changed too much.  The details had been smoothed out and made more feminine, and I was missing a couple of feet in height, but I could make the connection to my old reflection.  I noticed I'd gained a hairband as well as the dress.  And lastly there were two pairs of fairy wings on my back, each patterned with what looked like frost.

Based on these things there seemed to be only one possibility for my situation.  The logical conclusion was that'd I somehow ended up as a fairy in Gensoukyo.  Well, okay, the logical conclusion was I was suffering from heatstroke somewhere, but I couldn't really do anything about that if it was true.

"So have you managed to put things together?" a deadly sweet voice called out from behind me.

I whirled around to find a woman with a parasol stepping out of a horrid rip in time space.  "Whoa!  Wait, are you actually Yukari Yakumo?  Do you know what happened to me?  And does that mean I'll get some exposition?"

The elegant lady smiled.  "I am Yukari Yakumo, but I think instead of exposition I'll start off by hitting you with a parasol."

"Huh?"  I barely had time to get my hands above my head before the youkai's improvised weapon came down on me with a startling *crack*.

"Ow!  What was that...? *crack* Fu~! Stop! *crack* Augh!  Not the hitbox!"  I tried to flee from the relentless hammering but my foot seemed to trip on something, leaving me sprawled on the ground.  "What did I do!?"

Yukari, still wearing that twisted smile, placed her parasols point right on my sternum.  "It's what you haven't done.  Where's my story?  You've had it sitting about in your mind, but you haven't written down a word of it!  I know very well how likely that makes it you'll forget the whole thing.  Just like how you forgot the Sanae, Momiji, Alice story."

I blinked.  "Wait, are we going meta here?"

Yukari shrugged.  "I can do that."
:dealwithit:

"Fair enough."  I grabbed the point of the parasol, then let go and lay back in defeat when she poked me a few times.  "Anyway I haven't forgotton any of that, it's just later in the queue.  And you aren't even in that story!  You're dead!"

Yukari casually kicked me through a gap.  "And I'm not happy about that either, but it's the culmination of all my plans, so I want it in print!"

I knew I was doomed at that point.  "But I don't even know where the story is going!  In fact as it is, I've mainly got a sad anticlimax.  Heck half the characters are dead and I'll have to bust out OCs.  You know how much I hate that.  And there's way too much of the SDM at the start.  I'm trying to cut down on that for a bit."

"Not important.  The important thing is that my master plan, 3000 years in the making, finally comes to fruition."  The youkai poked me with her umbrella again.  "So if you want to go home you'd better crank out at least a chapter."

I considered the matter for a moment.  I knew the answer I was about to give would cause me a good deal of pain.  Still I figured it was worth a shot.  "Actually I'm not that interested in going back.  Sure being a fairy is going to take a whole lot of getting used to, and I'm a little sad I can't send a note back to warn people about my dissapearence.  But this is a once in a lifetime chance here!  I can't just run home and forget about it."

Yukari paused for a moment.  "And if I said you could come back when the story was done?"

"I'd call you a liar?"  The parasol cracked off my head again.

Yukari finally frowned.  "I didn't want to have to use this threat....  Very well.  If you don't write at least a chapter, I'll stop being nice and turn you into a sin sack."

My stomach grew cold.  "You wouldn't.  You couldn't unleash that sick wrongness into Gensoukyo...."

"Don't worry, you'd mainly be sad comic relief, doomed to be beaten down by everyone.  More so then you are currently of course."  Yukari's smile was terrifying.  "So what do you have to say now?"

I shuddered.  "I'll do it.  Just get me a pen and paper."

Yukari opened her parasol and put it to it's intended use.  "Go get it yourself.  It shouldn't be too hard.  And perhaps it'll get you in the right mood for some epic violence, which is what the story deserves."

I sighed in annoyance.  "Didn't I just say I wanted to avoid more SDM writing?  That's the only place a fairy can get writing supplies!"

"Try the kassha."

"She has standards for her fairy minions.  And I can't moonwalk."

Yukari shrugged.  "Not my problem.  Anyway, ta ta."  She opened up another gap and walked through casually.  I picked myself up and began planning my next move when a ball of light zipped out of the hole in space time and slammed into my chest.

"Oh, and that's for being too lame to make a Yukari version of that emoticon."


*Pichun*
----

I awoke a little later, no worse for wear.  Fairy immortality was proving to be quite useful, if painful.

I considered going on a tour and ignoring Yukari's demands for a bit, but I knew if I tried to drag this out any longer I get Ranned, so I began my infiltration mission.  My goal: to infiltrate the Scarlet Devil Mansion as a fairy maid.  I was terrible at cleaning, poor at cooking, and had no idea what I was supposed to be doing.  In short, I was perfectly suited for this operation.  Perhaps overqualified.

Sneaking in was no problem.  A quick hop over the wall, followed by walking straight in through the back door.  Now I just had to find a maid uniform...

"Hey are you the new girl?"

I turned around to find a trio of actual fairy maids looking at me.  "Uh, yeah!"

"What's your name then?" one asked.

"Tae," I quickly replied.  Deciding this was a good time to switch around the conversation I continued.  "Hey, I got lost.  Can you show me where the uniforms are?"

The girl put on an air of superiority.  "Tae huh?  Well I guess we're your seniors then.  The room's right over there.  When your done you should come to us to find out what your job is."

"Thanks!  I'll be sure to do that." I replied in my best cheery idiot voice before heading off.

It struck me that I had actually gotten a legitimate chance to use my 'replacement name for if you get turned into a girl.'  I guess that means I wasn't crazy for thinking it up.  I'd should remember my 'phrase to use if I'm ever sent back in time to prove I'm me' too.  I also considered getting my zombie apocalypse escape plan set up.

But before that I'd have to figure out how to put on a maid uniform...

----

One uniform theft later I wandered through the giant Voile library, doing my best to remember to stay hovering so my footsteps wouldn't echo.  My mission was twofold.  Get some writing materials so I could complete my task before Yukari decided it would be more fun to hurt me, and find some books on magic I could read.  I wasn't leaving Gensoukyo without something cool for my efforts.

It took me an hour but I finally found an English spellbook.  As a bonus it was a beginner one.  I flipped through and decided to try the one that produced flame.  Nothing explosive.  Just a few sparks.

Let's see.  I need to guesture like so, say these words and...  I think I mispronounced that.

*Boom*

*Pichun*

----

I awoke once again mostly intact.  Except this time there was a demon with a mop standing above me.  "Good.  You revived quickly.  Now if you could clean the mess you... Hey it's you!"

I blinked up at Koakuma.  "Wha?"

The devil pointed straight at me.  "You!  You're not supposed to be here!"

I jumped up.  "Wait, you aren't a 4th wall breaking character.  How do you know about me?"

"How do you know I'm not a 4th wall breaking character?  ZUN's given me soooo much character information."

"Point."  I grabbed the mop and began cleaning the bits of... me, I guess... off the floor.  "So then, if you know me, can you do me a favor?"

The demon narrowed her eyes.  "It better involve you leaving."

Ouch.  That hurt.  "Why do you want to kick me out?"

"Simple."  Koakuma began pacing as she explained.  "I'm currently your wish fulfillment character.  If YOU get to stick around eventually your standards will slip even below what they are now and you'll make yourself the wish fulfillment character!  Leaving me in the cold.  Or as a secondary harem character."  She pointed at me with an annoyed look on her face.  "And that's unacceptable!  It's bad enough I get ignored in the game endings."

I sighed.  "Fine, I'll leave for now.  In order to do that I'll need paper and a pen.  I need to write something so Yukari will let me out."

Koakuma nodded and took the mop from me.  "I can do that.  And I'll get one of the other fairies to finish up the mopping.  Anything else?"

I thought about it for a moment.  "How about sneaking my ghost over the border?  I shouldn't be a threat then right?"

Koakuma thought about it for a second.  "What's in it for me?"

"A scene involving you, Patchouli, Alice, Marisa, several silk ribbons and a tub of chocolate frosting that leaves no question as to your intimate relationship status," I replied.

"Sold."  We shook hands.

----

Koakuma sighed as she looked over my shoulder again.  "How can you call yourself a writer while committing such atrocities against the English language?"

I shrugged and continued my scribbling.  "No clue.  I never did get the hang of commas."

"Or spelling," the devil commented.  "You will send this through a word processor when you get back right?"

"Yeah.  I have no idea why Yukari dragged me here instead of just yelling at me at home.  I'm going to have to rewrite this whole thing when I get back."

Koakuma looked around carefully then leaned over and whispered, "I heard she got some payoff from an outsider to drag a whole bunch of people over actually."

I frowned.  "Oh...  I see.  So I guess I'll be writing 'How I Spent my Gensoukyo Vacation' as well in order to escape."  The thought did not amuse me.  "Well at least some others will be suffering through this."

"Nope.  You're suffering because of your own self depricating sense of humor, and because you feel that you shuld be punished for writing this horrible thing," Koakuma smiled.  "In short, this is all your fault."

"Oh.  Great."

Koakuma seemed to be struck by an idea.  "Ah, speaking of things that are your fault.  I want a better part in the future.  Something where I'm useful.  And not just useful for setting up something perverse or looking moe."

I sighed.  "Right.  I'll get on it.  But you're going to have a wing flapping panic moment as well then."

"I can accept author appeal activities," the succubus replied.

"And apply alliteration apparently."  I finished the last paragraph of the chapter.  "Okay, done.  Now to inform Yukari and get out of here before I get killed again."

There was the odd sound that time space made when being violated, and Yukari once again walked out.  "Okay, that's that.  And I see you completed your secondary task as well.  How sad.  I was going to enjoy the look on your face when I told you that you weren't done."  She pouted.  "Well I guess it's time to say our goodbyes."

Koakuma stepped back and waved.  "It'll take me a while to pull together the necromancy stuff, so try not to die for a couple of years."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," I replied to the devil.  Turning to Yukari I said, "Unless you're willing to change your mind about the tour I'm ready to go."

Yukari pulled out her fan.  "Almost ready.  First I have to get your soul back in it's proper container."  Another gap opened and she pointed the fan at me.

"Ah crap."

*Pichun*